Being an adult is harder than being a kid. Not because you have to pay taxes and bills and budget your money and such... well, probably partly because of that, but I wouldn't know because I don't have to do that stuff yet.
But the real reason is this: kids (well, kids who are, say, 10 and older) know what they should be doing. Adults say to kids, here's what you should do and here's what you shouldn't do. Sometimes the kids listen and sometimes they don't, but either way, they know exactly what's expected of them, and they know they're risking punishment by doing something wrong.
No one is there to tell adults (and I suppose I'm talking more specifically about parents or people like me, acting in loco parentis) what the right or wrong decision is. In fact, most of the time, there are multiple right decisions and multiple wrong decisions, and a few neutral ones. It's not, "should I do my homework or not," it's, "did I come off too harsh? Should I have been harsher? Is there something I should have said that I didn't say? Did I make the right choice? Was there a better way to do this?"
When you're a kid, you assume adults just know what they're doing. But the secret is, WE HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA. And even if we do, other adults are going to have different opinions from ours. If kids/teenagers knew this secret, there would be complete and utter chaos. Luckily, they don't, unless they're reading this blog. In which case... ha ha! I'm kidding, of course! We know exactly what we're doing... they give us a handbook actually...
Ugh. I wish I had a handbook. And NOT the Organization X Handbook because that thing is worthless.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
A Day in the Life
Well, the board is making us houseparents log what we do every hour of the day. Because, as the other girls' houseparents put it, "They think we watch soap operas and eat bonbons all day." Wanna know what I did today?
Here it is:
Thursday, May 3, 2012
6:00 am- make breakfast (eggs and bacon), talk to WK
6:30- fold house laundry & put away
6:40- sign a scholar's quarter 3 report card for her teacher
6:45- check off a scholar's deep clean (completed this morning)
6:50- room checks
6:55- do dishes from breakfast
7:00-9:00- break
9:30- drop off application for scholar for summer job
10:00-12:45- girls' school for office hours. Check e-mail, scholar grades, pick up notes for senior scrapbook
12:00 pm- ASC weekly meeting at Loyola; talk to program director about car accident
1:30- country club in Glencoe to pick up scholar summer job applications
2:30-3:00- put away clean dishes
3:00-4:45- break
4:45-5:00- drive to the Youth Job center
5:00-5:30- meeting at Youth Job center
5:30-6:30- house dinner; talk to the girls about upcoming events
6:30-8:00- check and answer e-mail, make flyer for Northwestern college panel 8:00-8:15- call a scholar's mentor
8:15-8:45- make notes in log book
8:45-9:00- talk to a scholar about study
OK I don't want to totally freak you out. To be fair, this is what a longer, busier day looks like. Most days I go 3-11 without a break, which is WAY better than 6am-9pm with 2 2-hour breaks. ...BUT STILL. Clearly I sit around watching T.V. all day. NOT. This job has given me so much respect for stay-at-home parents.
Here it is:
Thursday, May 3, 2012
6:00 am- make breakfast (eggs and bacon), talk to WK
6:30- fold house laundry & put away
6:40- sign a scholar's quarter 3 report card for her teacher
6:45- check off a scholar's deep clean (completed this morning)
6:50- room checks
6:55- do dishes from breakfast
7:00-9:00- break
9:30- drop off application for scholar for summer job
10:00-12:45- girls' school for office hours. Check e-mail, scholar grades, pick up notes for senior scrapbook
12:00 pm- ASC weekly meeting at Loyola; talk to program director about car accident
1:30- country club in Glencoe to pick up scholar summer job applications
2:30-3:00- put away clean dishes
3:00-4:45- break
4:45-5:00- drive to the Youth Job center
5:00-5:30- meeting at Youth Job center
5:30-6:30- house dinner; talk to the girls about upcoming events
6:30-8:00- check and answer e-mail, make flyer for Northwestern college panel 8:00-8:15- call a scholar's mentor
8:15-8:45- make notes in log book
8:45-9:00- talk to a scholar about study
OK I don't want to totally freak you out. To be fair, this is what a longer, busier day looks like. Most days I go 3-11 without a break, which is WAY better than 6am-9pm with 2 2-hour breaks. ...BUT STILL. Clearly I sit around watching T.V. all day. NOT. This job has given me so much respect for stay-at-home parents.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Boys vs. Girls
So as you probably know, I work with the girls at Organization X. I don't work directly with the boys, but they are at our affiliate. After this weekend, I know why I don't work with them. They have no respect for authority OR their female peers whatsoever.
Ok, having no respect for authority... I get that. But as their superior, I should not have to repeatedly tell them to stop a) putting their arm around me, b) trying to hold my hand, c) putting their head on my shoulder, d) trying to give me a hug, e) getting up in my face when talking to me. And they did all the same things to the two girls their age who were there.
It didn't even bother me that we were at a community service event and they were goofing off half the time. I expected that. I didn't go into that day expecting to feel violated and belittled. At one point, I said to the three of them, "Boys, time for a life lesson. When a woman asks you to stop touching her, you stop touching her." One of them proceeded to poke me in the forehead and push my head back.
It is clearer to me, now more than ever that we live in a rape culture. If boys that age can get away with hugging and poking their superiors, of course they think they can get away with raping their female peers. Clearly, our bodies are theirs for the disrespecting.
I wish I had been meaner, firmer and more authoritarian with the boys. Obviously they need that. I'm not used to it because the girls do better when I treat them like adults, not children. Also it's hard because I don't have much of a relationship with the boys. I told their direct superior what happened, and she took an hour off of the service hours they'd earned that day. Which probably taught them jack shit.
I feel discouraged. I love working with the girls. I had no idea that boys of that age need *that* much discipline and help.
***
By the way, I had a one-on-one sesh with the Dr. the other day. I had given her a self-evaluation and she filled out an evaluation about me. She clearly hadn't read my evaluation and was filling out hers as we were sitting there. The ONLY good thing she had to say about my performance is that I am "social" with the girls (is that even a compliment?). She also said that I am "young, inexperienced" (true dat), "unprofessional" (um, what?), and that my emails need to be more "concise" (because she's too 'busy' to read them).
So I'm mad that I'm working for her for free and trying my hardest, yet she has NOTHING good to say about my performance. But as another ASC pointed out, who cares what she thinks?
Until next time...
--Rebecca
Ok, having no respect for authority... I get that. But as their superior, I should not have to repeatedly tell them to stop a) putting their arm around me, b) trying to hold my hand, c) putting their head on my shoulder, d) trying to give me a hug, e) getting up in my face when talking to me. And they did all the same things to the two girls their age who were there.
It didn't even bother me that we were at a community service event and they were goofing off half the time. I expected that. I didn't go into that day expecting to feel violated and belittled. At one point, I said to the three of them, "Boys, time for a life lesson. When a woman asks you to stop touching her, you stop touching her." One of them proceeded to poke me in the forehead and push my head back.
It is clearer to me, now more than ever that we live in a rape culture. If boys that age can get away with hugging and poking their superiors, of course they think they can get away with raping their female peers. Clearly, our bodies are theirs for the disrespecting.
I wish I had been meaner, firmer and more authoritarian with the boys. Obviously they need that. I'm not used to it because the girls do better when I treat them like adults, not children. Also it's hard because I don't have much of a relationship with the boys. I told their direct superior what happened, and she took an hour off of the service hours they'd earned that day. Which probably taught them jack shit.
I feel discouraged. I love working with the girls. I had no idea that boys of that age need *that* much discipline and help.
***
By the way, I had a one-on-one sesh with the Dr. the other day. I had given her a self-evaluation and she filled out an evaluation about me. She clearly hadn't read my evaluation and was filling out hers as we were sitting there. The ONLY good thing she had to say about my performance is that I am "social" with the girls (is that even a compliment?). She also said that I am "young, inexperienced" (true dat), "unprofessional" (um, what?), and that my emails need to be more "concise" (because she's too 'busy' to read them).
So I'm mad that I'm working for her for free and trying my hardest, yet she has NOTHING good to say about my performance. But as another ASC pointed out, who cares what she thinks?
Until next time...
--Rebecca
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
What up
Clearly I haven't posted in looong time. Time to play catch-up:
-My feelings about my boss have not changed. She is still awful in every regard.
-I made spaghetti, homemade meatballs and homemade marinara sauce for dinner tonight. It was pretty good but the sauce wasn't as thick as I wanted it to be. I did see one of the girls go back for seconds :)
-I can drive again! HOORAY! It is great to be able to drive.
-I realized that my tolerance for the girls' (occasionally) bad attitudes is directly proportional to how many days of work I've had in a row. Here's a chart:
---Day 1------------Day 2-------------Day 3-------Day 4------Day 5-------Day 6---
..Cheery....Ignores bad attitudes....Tolerant...Intolerant...Frusturated...Furious
With this chart in mind, may I reiterate how difficult it must be to be an actual parent, with no days off from raising their child. Perhaps the chart is a little less linear and a little more chaotic for real parents. Which is even more annoying, in a way, because at least this way, I can prepare for the girls' bad moods to rub off on me. Plus some weeks I never even get to day/level 6 because I have a day off in the middle of the week. Like this week goes: Cheery, Ignores, Cheery, Cheery, Ignores. But next week: Cheery, Ignores, Tolerant, Intolerant, Frusturated, Furious. And then I get a 3 day weekend :D
-Everyone, including the girls, has noticed how much I've grown since the beginning of the year. One of the houseparents said I have gotten a lot firmer and better at standing my ground.
That's really all that's going on. Love and miss you all!
Love,
Rebecca
-My feelings about my boss have not changed. She is still awful in every regard.
-I made spaghetti, homemade meatballs and homemade marinara sauce for dinner tonight. It was pretty good but the sauce wasn't as thick as I wanted it to be. I did see one of the girls go back for seconds :)
-I can drive again! HOORAY! It is great to be able to drive.
-I realized that my tolerance for the girls' (occasionally) bad attitudes is directly proportional to how many days of work I've had in a row. Here's a chart:
---Day 1------------Day 2-------------Day 3-------Day 4------Day 5-------Day 6---
..Cheery....Ignores bad attitudes....Tolerant...Intolerant...Frusturated...Furious
With this chart in mind, may I reiterate how difficult it must be to be an actual parent, with no days off from raising their child. Perhaps the chart is a little less linear and a little more chaotic for real parents. Which is even more annoying, in a way, because at least this way, I can prepare for the girls' bad moods to rub off on me. Plus some weeks I never even get to day/level 6 because I have a day off in the middle of the week. Like this week goes: Cheery, Ignores, Cheery, Cheery, Ignores. But next week: Cheery, Ignores, Tolerant, Intolerant, Frusturated, Furious. And then I get a 3 day weekend :D
-Everyone, including the girls, has noticed how much I've grown since the beginning of the year. One of the houseparents said I have gotten a lot firmer and better at standing my ground.
That's really all that's going on. Love and miss you all!
Love,
Rebecca
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Road Trip
I went on another crazy college trip, this time to Lawrence, Kansas. One of the seniors wanted to visit KU, so I went with her, Cris, and one of the boys. Cris drove there and back. Here's the trip by numbers:
8 (pm)- time we left the house on Friday night to start driving to Missouri.
11- number hours it took to get from Chicago, IL to Lawrence, MO.
4- number of Starbucks we passed on the way there that were closed.
3- number of gas stations we went to that turned out to be closed.
4- approx. hours of sleep I got on the drive up (and the drive back, for that matter).
3- total times I got mistaken for a prospective college student.
1- hour was how long it took for our college tour (outdoors in 15 degree weather).
2- times I got lost driving (both times I was looking for the Kansas boys' house)
11- number of hours it took to drive back to Chicago.
7- approx. number of total hours Cris and I talked while in the car.
5- number of entire CD's from my personal collection that we listened to.
10- number of hours the kids slept in the car (on both the way there and the way back).
7 (am)- time we got back to Chicago.
So yeah I'm pretty exhausted and still catching up on sleep. But all in all it was a lot of fun, and the senior is really excited about KU. She's positive she wants to go there next year. So I'm glad we went.
Tonight Lucas and I went to a new Thai restaurant. We got Thai iced coffee and I got Pad Thai. Then we went bowling in a bowling alley that has been open since 1918. It looked, though, like the last time it got re-decorated was in the 1970's--lots of wood paneling and such. It was the first bowling alley I've been to where you had to keep track of your own score with pencil and paper. Then we walked home in the rain. It was a fun date night.
Right now, I'm in a really good place in my job and my life. Now all I have to do is prepare for next year...
--Rebecca
8 (pm)- time we left the house on Friday night to start driving to Missouri.
11- number hours it took to get from Chicago, IL to Lawrence, MO.
4- number of Starbucks we passed on the way there that were closed.
3- number of gas stations we went to that turned out to be closed.
4- approx. hours of sleep I got on the drive up (and the drive back, for that matter).
3- total times I got mistaken for a prospective college student.
1- hour was how long it took for our college tour (outdoors in 15 degree weather).
2- times I got lost driving (both times I was looking for the Kansas boys' house)
11- number of hours it took to drive back to Chicago.
7- approx. number of total hours Cris and I talked while in the car.
5- number of entire CD's from my personal collection that we listened to.
10- number of hours the kids slept in the car (on both the way there and the way back).
7 (am)- time we got back to Chicago.
So yeah I'm pretty exhausted and still catching up on sleep. But all in all it was a lot of fun, and the senior is really excited about KU. She's positive she wants to go there next year. So I'm glad we went.
Tonight Lucas and I went to a new Thai restaurant. We got Thai iced coffee and I got Pad Thai. Then we went bowling in a bowling alley that has been open since 1918. It looked, though, like the last time it got re-decorated was in the 1970's--lots of wood paneling and such. It was the first bowling alley I've been to where you had to keep track of your own score with pencil and paper. Then we walked home in the rain. It was a fun date night.
Right now, I'm in a really good place in my job and my life. Now all I have to do is prepare for next year...
--Rebecca
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year everyone! Sorry I haven't written in a while.
It's a new year, and soon to be a new semester (the girls are just now taking their finals). I'm feeling like this is going to be a great year. I'm finally getting the support and guidance I need to be more successful every day, mostly from Cris. I feel more organized and more on top of my stuff. I'm communicating better with everyone from my boss to the other houseparents. I no longer get stressed just thinking about work.
In summary, I love work right now and am really happy :) For once! Not even Dr. Annoying can touch me.
It's a new year, and soon to be a new semester (the girls are just now taking their finals). I'm feeling like this is going to be a great year. I'm finally getting the support and guidance I need to be more successful every day, mostly from Cris. I feel more organized and more on top of my stuff. I'm communicating better with everyone from my boss to the other houseparents. I no longer get stressed just thinking about work.
In summary, I love work right now and am really happy :) For once! Not even Dr. Annoying can touch me.
Monday, December 12, 2011
More Positive Thoughts
Hey all, sorry I haven't updated in ages. As some of you know, the last couple of weeks at my job have been extremely stressful. I didn't want to blog about it because a) I don't want to worry you, and b) complaining is NOT the point of this blog.
I'm on the last day of a 4-day break. Sometimes I just have those in my schedule. It was really refreshing. I went home to see family, went back to Earlham and saw some old friends, and am finishing off the weekend by hanging out with Lucas tonight. Seeing all these people I love was good for me. It reminded me that work is not my life, and that my life is full of love and support.
The other great news is, I have 6 work days left until I'm home for Christmas! That will be the longest break I've had so far - 9 days. I'm really excited, especially after realizing how much good this break has done for me.
Everyone at my job, from the houseparents to my bosses, pushes me really hard. I get a lot of constructive criticism from them, but not a lot of positive feedback. This can sometimes get discouraging. But I know they're just trying to help me do the best possible job I can. During these first nearly 6 months, I've already learned so much about myself and the world. I think I've done a great job and grown a lot. I'm constantly trying to remind myself of what's going well in my job and what I'm good at.
I've also started looking forward to the future. I've started applying for Master's in Social Work programs. As much as I'm learning from this job, I'm excited for the next step, excited to take classes again, excited to actually leave school at the end of the day and go HOME, wherever that may be.
I'm going to return to work tomorrow with all these happy thoughts - past, present, and future - on my mind. I am GOING to have a productive week AND a good week. Love you all.
--Rebecca
I'm on the last day of a 4-day break. Sometimes I just have those in my schedule. It was really refreshing. I went home to see family, went back to Earlham and saw some old friends, and am finishing off the weekend by hanging out with Lucas tonight. Seeing all these people I love was good for me. It reminded me that work is not my life, and that my life is full of love and support.
The other great news is, I have 6 work days left until I'm home for Christmas! That will be the longest break I've had so far - 9 days. I'm really excited, especially after realizing how much good this break has done for me.
Everyone at my job, from the houseparents to my bosses, pushes me really hard. I get a lot of constructive criticism from them, but not a lot of positive feedback. This can sometimes get discouraging. But I know they're just trying to help me do the best possible job I can. During these first nearly 6 months, I've already learned so much about myself and the world. I think I've done a great job and grown a lot. I'm constantly trying to remind myself of what's going well in my job and what I'm good at.
I've also started looking forward to the future. I've started applying for Master's in Social Work programs. As much as I'm learning from this job, I'm excited for the next step, excited to take classes again, excited to actually leave school at the end of the day and go HOME, wherever that may be.
I'm going to return to work tomorrow with all these happy thoughts - past, present, and future - on my mind. I am GOING to have a productive week AND a good week. Love you all.
--Rebecca
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