So as you probably know, I work with the girls at Organization X. I don't work directly with the boys, but they are at our affiliate. After this weekend, I know why I don't work with them. They have no respect for authority OR their female peers whatsoever.
Ok, having no respect for authority... I get that. But as their superior, I should not have to repeatedly tell them to stop a) putting their arm around me, b) trying to hold my hand, c) putting their head on my shoulder, d) trying to give me a hug, e) getting up in my face when talking to me. And they did all the same things to the two girls their age who were there.
It didn't even bother me that we were at a community service event and they were goofing off half the time. I expected that. I didn't go into that day expecting to feel violated and belittled. At one point, I said to the three of them, "Boys, time for a life lesson. When a woman asks you to stop touching her, you stop touching her." One of them proceeded to poke me in the forehead and push my head back.
It is clearer to me, now more than ever that we live in a rape culture. If boys that age can get away with hugging and poking their superiors, of course they think they can get away with raping their female peers. Clearly, our bodies are theirs for the disrespecting.
I wish I had been meaner, firmer and more authoritarian with the boys. Obviously they need that. I'm not used to it because the girls do better when I treat them like adults, not children. Also it's hard because I don't have much of a relationship with the boys. I told their direct superior what happened, and she took an hour off of the service hours they'd earned that day. Which probably taught them jack shit.
I feel discouraged. I love working with the girls. I had no idea that boys of that age need *that* much discipline and help.
***
By the way, I had a one-on-one sesh with the Dr. the other day. I had given her a self-evaluation and she filled out an evaluation about me. She clearly hadn't read my evaluation and was filling out hers as we were sitting there. The ONLY good thing she had to say about my performance is that I am "social" with the girls (is that even a compliment?). She also said that I am "young, inexperienced" (true dat), "unprofessional" (um, what?), and that my emails need to be more "concise" (because she's too 'busy' to read them).
So I'm mad that I'm working for her for free and trying my hardest, yet she has NOTHING good to say about my performance. But as another ASC pointed out, who cares what she thinks?
Until next time...
--Rebecca
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
What up
Clearly I haven't posted in looong time. Time to play catch-up:
-My feelings about my boss have not changed. She is still awful in every regard.
-I made spaghetti, homemade meatballs and homemade marinara sauce for dinner tonight. It was pretty good but the sauce wasn't as thick as I wanted it to be. I did see one of the girls go back for seconds :)
-I can drive again! HOORAY! It is great to be able to drive.
-I realized that my tolerance for the girls' (occasionally) bad attitudes is directly proportional to how many days of work I've had in a row. Here's a chart:
---Day 1------------Day 2-------------Day 3-------Day 4------Day 5-------Day 6---
..Cheery....Ignores bad attitudes....Tolerant...Intolerant...Frusturated...Furious
With this chart in mind, may I reiterate how difficult it must be to be an actual parent, with no days off from raising their child. Perhaps the chart is a little less linear and a little more chaotic for real parents. Which is even more annoying, in a way, because at least this way, I can prepare for the girls' bad moods to rub off on me. Plus some weeks I never even get to day/level 6 because I have a day off in the middle of the week. Like this week goes: Cheery, Ignores, Cheery, Cheery, Ignores. But next week: Cheery, Ignores, Tolerant, Intolerant, Frusturated, Furious. And then I get a 3 day weekend :D
-Everyone, including the girls, has noticed how much I've grown since the beginning of the year. One of the houseparents said I have gotten a lot firmer and better at standing my ground.
That's really all that's going on. Love and miss you all!
Love,
Rebecca
-My feelings about my boss have not changed. She is still awful in every regard.
-I made spaghetti, homemade meatballs and homemade marinara sauce for dinner tonight. It was pretty good but the sauce wasn't as thick as I wanted it to be. I did see one of the girls go back for seconds :)
-I can drive again! HOORAY! It is great to be able to drive.
-I realized that my tolerance for the girls' (occasionally) bad attitudes is directly proportional to how many days of work I've had in a row. Here's a chart:
---Day 1------------Day 2-------------Day 3-------Day 4------Day 5-------Day 6---
..Cheery....Ignores bad attitudes....Tolerant...Intolerant...Frusturated...Furious
With this chart in mind, may I reiterate how difficult it must be to be an actual parent, with no days off from raising their child. Perhaps the chart is a little less linear and a little more chaotic for real parents. Which is even more annoying, in a way, because at least this way, I can prepare for the girls' bad moods to rub off on me. Plus some weeks I never even get to day/level 6 because I have a day off in the middle of the week. Like this week goes: Cheery, Ignores, Cheery, Cheery, Ignores. But next week: Cheery, Ignores, Tolerant, Intolerant, Frusturated, Furious. And then I get a 3 day weekend :D
-Everyone, including the girls, has noticed how much I've grown since the beginning of the year. One of the houseparents said I have gotten a lot firmer and better at standing my ground.
That's really all that's going on. Love and miss you all!
Love,
Rebecca
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