After being at Organization X for about 2 months now, I finally feel like I have my bearings. For the most part, I know what to expect as far as my schedule, the girls, and my coworkers. I'm working hard, but I'm not overwhelmed or overly stressed because I know the drill now.
Not only do I end my days feeling calmer, I also feel like I'm doing a good job! I'm keeping tabs on the girls and what's going on in each of their lives and classes. I think they're feeling more comfortable around me. Yesterday, Michelle, one of the ones I feel like I know the least, approached me with a funny story about something that happened to her. Also yesterday, I had a lengthy conversation with Gloria about writing, and she let me read a bunch of her poetry! Then today she came to me for advice about a story. That meant a LOT to me because to me, at least, writing is really personal. Nina even helped me sweep the dining room (Nina voluntarily doing chores?? That's just crazy talk) and gave me a huge hug.
When I first came to Organization X, Maya gave me a talk about being firm with the girls, saying "Don't smile until December." While I appreciate her advice, I think my approach of building connections with the girls works, too. I still enforce rules and hold them accountable for chores (maybe not quite as effectively as the other houseparents, but I do do it). But I think it's hard for people to listen to an authority figure if they don't know that that authority figure cares about them, respects them and is on their team.
I'm not putting down my houseparents' houseparenting style, at all. They are great at what they do. But, after all, I have a different role than they do. It is not really my job to enforce rules and punishments and check chores (although of course I do those things in order to help the household run more smoothly). My primary role is to support the girls in school. And I think the best thing I can do to help with that is building a connection with them. That way they know I'm checking up on them and will be disappointed if they do poorly. I also want them to show them I believe in them, which (I hope) will help them believe in themselves.
--RO
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
...aaaand I jinxed myself
I'm never saying I had a great day again. EVER.
Right after I submitted last night's blog entry, just as I was closing my computer and heading to bed, W asked me to come upstairs for a minute. I walk into Sylvie and Nina's room (they're roommates), and five girls are sitting in there (which, first of all, shouldn't even happen, because after 10:30 everyone is supposed to be in their own room). Sylvie and N (not Nina, a different one) are in a HUGE argument because N thinks Sylvie stole her phone, and she thinks it's in Sylvie's pink box. Sylvie doesn't want anyone to look in her pink box because she says it's her private stuff, and she's offended that N immediately targeted her as the thief. N says she didn't immediately target Sylvie, but if she did, she'd have good reason to (I've heard from multiple people that Sylvie has a history of lying and taking other people's things).
Anyway, I'm sitting there on Nina's bed and they're all looking at me (literally and figuratively) for a solution to this problem. And... I have no freaking idea what to do. Luckily, Caroline heard all the commotion and came downstaris at some point and took everything into her capable, experienced hands. I guess all that TCI/active listening training does come in handy sometimes.
So long story short, I was working an hour and a half after I was supposed to get off. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to get up at 6 am!!! So I got 4 hours of sleep. I know I'm mostly thinking about how the situation affected me. But that's because it was frusturating. Both the girls were mad and uncooperative even though Caroline and I were just trying to help. Also, I talked to Sylvie's grandma, who was mad, and N's mother, who was mad. I mean, people, there's only so much we can do. As Caroline said earlier, if I could wave a magic wand and make N's phone appear out of thin air, I would. But both Caroline and I have searched all the girls' rooms (I'm talking, underwear drawers and all) and found nothing. So at this point, we've done all we can. And at the end of the day... it's a phone. Don't get me wrong, I'd be upset if I lost my phone, but it's not like N lost a thousand dollars or something. And I say "lost" purposefully, because we have no evidence that anyone actually stole the phone. For all we know, it could be lost in some pocket in N's bookbag.
All I can say is, I can't wait until this weekend (which starts in 7 hours)!!! I'm going to Iowa City and Lucas is taking me apple picking :) So excited to go out of town and spend some time with Lucas.
--Rebecca
Right after I submitted last night's blog entry, just as I was closing my computer and heading to bed, W asked me to come upstairs for a minute. I walk into Sylvie and Nina's room (they're roommates), and five girls are sitting in there (which, first of all, shouldn't even happen, because after 10:30 everyone is supposed to be in their own room). Sylvie and N (not Nina, a different one) are in a HUGE argument because N thinks Sylvie stole her phone, and she thinks it's in Sylvie's pink box. Sylvie doesn't want anyone to look in her pink box because she says it's her private stuff, and she's offended that N immediately targeted her as the thief. N says she didn't immediately target Sylvie, but if she did, she'd have good reason to (I've heard from multiple people that Sylvie has a history of lying and taking other people's things).
Anyway, I'm sitting there on Nina's bed and they're all looking at me (literally and figuratively) for a solution to this problem. And... I have no freaking idea what to do. Luckily, Caroline heard all the commotion and came downstaris at some point and took everything into her capable, experienced hands. I guess all that TCI/active listening training does come in handy sometimes.
So long story short, I was working an hour and a half after I was supposed to get off. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to get up at 6 am!!! So I got 4 hours of sleep. I know I'm mostly thinking about how the situation affected me. But that's because it was frusturating. Both the girls were mad and uncooperative even though Caroline and I were just trying to help. Also, I talked to Sylvie's grandma, who was mad, and N's mother, who was mad. I mean, people, there's only so much we can do. As Caroline said earlier, if I could wave a magic wand and make N's phone appear out of thin air, I would. But both Caroline and I have searched all the girls' rooms (I'm talking, underwear drawers and all) and found nothing. So at this point, we've done all we can. And at the end of the day... it's a phone. Don't get me wrong, I'd be upset if I lost my phone, but it's not like N lost a thousand dollars or something. And I say "lost" purposefully, because we have no evidence that anyone actually stole the phone. For all we know, it could be lost in some pocket in N's bookbag.
All I can say is, I can't wait until this weekend (which starts in 7 hours)!!! I'm going to Iowa City and Lucas is taking me apple picking :) So excited to go out of town and spend some time with Lucas.
--Rebecca
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Great day!!
I LOVE today! I made Grandma Julian's classic dish, Saurbraten, and the girls loved it! Which makes sense since they love meat so much and it's basically just beef and noodles. There were zero leftovers and the girls wanted more! Also, I got my first compliment from a scholar (of the compliment envelopes). It's from Julia, who wrote, "Thanks 4 the yummy dinner Rebecca; It filled my tum tummy. Thanks your the best." (I just had to spell everything the way she spelled it because it's cuter that way. We do need to work on the your/you're distinction, though).
Anyway, the cherry on top of the cupcake is that the girls have been super quiet during study (even Nina)!
It's days like today that help me remember why I do this job. That's really all I have to say... no complaints here.
--Rebecca
P.S. Let me know if you have any meat-heavy recipes... I'd love to have them! :)
Anyway, the cherry on top of the cupcake is that the girls have been super quiet during study (even Nina)!
It's days like today that help me remember why I do this job. That's really all I have to say... no complaints here.
--Rebecca
P.S. Let me know if you have any meat-heavy recipes... I'd love to have them! :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
...and the drama begins
In a house full of 8 high school girls, drama is bound to happen. So far it's been pretty contained within the girls themselves, without me knowing much about it. But tonight, the you-know-what hit the fan.
It all started when Sylvie asked me to take her to Nina's volleyball game. We could only be there for literally 20 minutes in order to get back by family night festivities. (I'd agreed to take Sylvie before I knew we had to be back--I was kind of thinking we could go and stay until Nina was done--but once I found out we had to be back I didn't feel like putting up a fight with Sylvie.) Anyway, I figured there had to be a reason besides watching Nina that Sylvie wanted to go, since we could only be there 20 minutes. She told me she was meeting a friend she knew from the school (Sylvie's in high school now, but last year she went to the school that Nina goes to now). She also mentioned that Nina didn't like this friend, but I didn't think much of that at the time... famous last words.
At the game, I waved at Nina from the sidelines, but she just glared in the direction of me, Sylvie, and the friend. I assumed she was glaring because she'd mentioned before that doesn't like it when people watch her volleyball games. Sylvie and I left after the game had barely started.
When I came to pick Nina up after the game was over, I was pretty late. She climbed in the car and her body language told me she was upset. I apologized for being late. A few seconds later, I heard sniffles and could tell she was crying. I asked if she was okay, and if she wanted to talk about it, she said she was okay and didn't want to talk about it (flashback to 13-year-old me, who would have had the same answers when Mom came to pick me up after an upsetting tennis match). I gave it a few long, quiet minutes, then asked if she was upset about the game. No. About me being late to pick her up? No. Then she burst into a long, somewhat incomprehensible sentence--it had been a horrible day and the coach didn't put her in until the 3rd game but then she scored five points and they must have felt stupid after that, and she HATES that girl Sylive brought and that's the girl she was telling me about who threatened to beat her up, and she hated being picked up late because last time a strange man talked to her. In an attempt to dissect some of the sentence, I said again that I was sorry about being late and that it was my fault, and that she should talk to Sylvie about what happened.
Then, Nina called her mom and related some of what she'd just told me to her. She also mentioned--which I was happy to overhear because it seemed important--that this new school was too hard and she didn't think she could do it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Nina came into Sylvie's room and started throwing Sylvie's stuff around the room (according to Sylvie) and making passive aggressive comments. Sylvie was telling me that she didn't get why Sylvie was so upset about the situation. While I was talking to Sylvie about it, Nina came into the room. I asked the two of them if they wanted to talk about it, and they immediately started to have a conversation. I didn't even say much of anything because they were handling it so well. Sylvie could have tried a little harder to understand why Nina was upset, and Nina could have explained her point of view better, but in general they were both really mature about it. I was really proud of both of them. I think I did the right thing by not doing or saying much--by just being there in the room I think Iinfluenced the girls to have a more calm discussion.
You may have noticed that this is another long post that is mostly about Nina. I think there are two reasons I focus on her so often--first, because she seems to need the most help of all the girls at this point. She acts out, rebels, and is disrespectful to both houseparents and scholars far more often than any of our other scholars. Second, I understand and remember what she's going through. She's in a new house where she doesn't yet know the rules (so many rules), she doesn't know the people very well, and she's in a new and harder school. Being a 13-year-old is overwhelming and turbulent enough without all those changes on top of it. However, I have to remember that just because there are good reasons for her bad behavior doesn't mean I can hold her less accountable. I have to hold her to the same level of responsibility as the other scholars. The other houseparents are really good at that. I'm not as good at being firm, but I'm working on it.
--Rebecca
It all started when Sylvie asked me to take her to Nina's volleyball game. We could only be there for literally 20 minutes in order to get back by family night festivities. (I'd agreed to take Sylvie before I knew we had to be back--I was kind of thinking we could go and stay until Nina was done--but once I found out we had to be back I didn't feel like putting up a fight with Sylvie.) Anyway, I figured there had to be a reason besides watching Nina that Sylvie wanted to go, since we could only be there 20 minutes. She told me she was meeting a friend she knew from the school (Sylvie's in high school now, but last year she went to the school that Nina goes to now). She also mentioned that Nina didn't like this friend, but I didn't think much of that at the time... famous last words.
At the game, I waved at Nina from the sidelines, but she just glared in the direction of me, Sylvie, and the friend. I assumed she was glaring because she'd mentioned before that doesn't like it when people watch her volleyball games. Sylvie and I left after the game had barely started.
When I came to pick Nina up after the game was over, I was pretty late. She climbed in the car and her body language told me she was upset. I apologized for being late. A few seconds later, I heard sniffles and could tell she was crying. I asked if she was okay, and if she wanted to talk about it, she said she was okay and didn't want to talk about it (flashback to 13-year-old me, who would have had the same answers when Mom came to pick me up after an upsetting tennis match). I gave it a few long, quiet minutes, then asked if she was upset about the game. No. About me being late to pick her up? No. Then she burst into a long, somewhat incomprehensible sentence--it had been a horrible day and the coach didn't put her in until the 3rd game but then she scored five points and they must have felt stupid after that, and she HATES that girl Sylive brought and that's the girl she was telling me about who threatened to beat her up, and she hated being picked up late because last time a strange man talked to her. In an attempt to dissect some of the sentence, I said again that I was sorry about being late and that it was my fault, and that she should talk to Sylvie about what happened.
Then, Nina called her mom and related some of what she'd just told me to her. She also mentioned--which I was happy to overhear because it seemed important--that this new school was too hard and she didn't think she could do it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Nina came into Sylvie's room and started throwing Sylvie's stuff around the room (according to Sylvie) and making passive aggressive comments. Sylvie was telling me that she didn't get why Sylvie was so upset about the situation. While I was talking to Sylvie about it, Nina came into the room. I asked the two of them if they wanted to talk about it, and they immediately started to have a conversation. I didn't even say much of anything because they were handling it so well. Sylvie could have tried a little harder to understand why Nina was upset, and Nina could have explained her point of view better, but in general they were both really mature about it. I was really proud of both of them. I think I did the right thing by not doing or saying much--by just being there in the room I think Iinfluenced the girls to have a more calm discussion.
You may have noticed that this is another long post that is mostly about Nina. I think there are two reasons I focus on her so often--first, because she seems to need the most help of all the girls at this point. She acts out, rebels, and is disrespectful to both houseparents and scholars far more often than any of our other scholars. Second, I understand and remember what she's going through. She's in a new house where she doesn't yet know the rules (so many rules), she doesn't know the people very well, and she's in a new and harder school. Being a 13-year-old is overwhelming and turbulent enough without all those changes on top of it. However, I have to remember that just because there are good reasons for her bad behavior doesn't mean I can hold her less accountable. I have to hold her to the same level of responsibility as the other scholars. The other houseparents are really good at that. I'm not as good at being firm, but I'm working on it.
--Rebecca
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Houseparents
I'd like to spend some time paying tribute to the other houseparents. They are such amazing women and I feel like I'm learning so much from each of them. They probably wouldn't care if I used their real names, but I still feel weird about doing so without asking... so once again, the names are changed.
Caroline- Caroline has made me feel welcome in the house since the moment I set foot in the door. I feel like we have a lot in common--we're both English majors, I want to be a teacher and she was a high school English teacher before coming to Organization X. She has a positive outlook and tends to make jokes when she is stressed, as do I. Like me, she's interested in crafts and dorky obscure academic stuff, like literary theorists. I feel the most relaxed around her of any of the houseparents, so she's usually the one I go to first with questions, concerns, complaints, or if I just want to vent. I love working with her.
Maya- I think the best way to describe Maya is that she is a straight-shooter. The minute she senses that I've handled a situation poorly, she comes to me to discuss it--sometimes, she even has preemptive discussions with me because she realizes that I'm new and don't know the protocol that comes naturally to the other houseparents. Maya's direct-ness, for lack of a better word, has caught me off guard and even hurt my feelings a couple of times. At the same time, I love Maya's style because I know that everything she's thinking, she's saying to my face, rather than stewing about it or going behind my back. This level of honesty is something that I personally been working on for a while, both for work situations and in my personal life. I feel like I'm learning the most from Maya not only because she's a good role model for me in this way, but also because her honesty has helped me understand how the house works more quickly.
Cris- First, just to clarify, I should say that Cris is the lead houseparent, so technically the rest of us answer to her, even though the other 3 houseparents are pretty equal when it comes to decision-making. I was really intimidated by Cris when I first met her. If we're being honest, I still am. Sometimes Cris can come off as critical and sarcastic. She is particular about the way things are done, down to the smallest detail. But it's only because she's so particular that our house runs so smoothly. Cris is very good at her job, not only because she's detail-oriented, but also because she also holds the scholars accountable. Several of the girls have told me that they don't like Cris, but I know that that's because she is on top of them to get shit done. In the long run, they're going to be better off and learn more from her because of that. Every so often, Cris surprises me. When talking about anything other than work, she lightens up and has a great sense of humor. Also, within my first week here, she opened up to me about her personal life, and she has been through a LOT of shit in the past few years... even the past few months. I think this has a great deal to do with her attitude and her stress level--between work and her tumultous personal life, she's dealing with a lot. I really want to get to know her better because I think she's an amazing person.
Again, I'd just like to say that I think all three of my houseparents are great at what they do. They work well together as a team and are actively communicative with one another. They push me to be my best, and they make me really happy and proud to be a part of this house. I kind of feel like an outsider, but already that's starting to change...!
--Rebecca
Caroline- Caroline has made me feel welcome in the house since the moment I set foot in the door. I feel like we have a lot in common--we're both English majors, I want to be a teacher and she was a high school English teacher before coming to Organization X. She has a positive outlook and tends to make jokes when she is stressed, as do I. Like me, she's interested in crafts and dorky obscure academic stuff, like literary theorists. I feel the most relaxed around her of any of the houseparents, so she's usually the one I go to first with questions, concerns, complaints, or if I just want to vent. I love working with her.
Maya- I think the best way to describe Maya is that she is a straight-shooter. The minute she senses that I've handled a situation poorly, she comes to me to discuss it--sometimes, she even has preemptive discussions with me because she realizes that I'm new and don't know the protocol that comes naturally to the other houseparents. Maya's direct-ness, for lack of a better word, has caught me off guard and even hurt my feelings a couple of times. At the same time, I love Maya's style because I know that everything she's thinking, she's saying to my face, rather than stewing about it or going behind my back. This level of honesty is something that I personally been working on for a while, both for work situations and in my personal life. I feel like I'm learning the most from Maya not only because she's a good role model for me in this way, but also because her honesty has helped me understand how the house works more quickly.
Cris- First, just to clarify, I should say that Cris is the lead houseparent, so technically the rest of us answer to her, even though the other 3 houseparents are pretty equal when it comes to decision-making. I was really intimidated by Cris when I first met her. If we're being honest, I still am. Sometimes Cris can come off as critical and sarcastic. She is particular about the way things are done, down to the smallest detail. But it's only because she's so particular that our house runs so smoothly. Cris is very good at her job, not only because she's detail-oriented, but also because she also holds the scholars accountable. Several of the girls have told me that they don't like Cris, but I know that that's because she is on top of them to get shit done. In the long run, they're going to be better off and learn more from her because of that. Every so often, Cris surprises me. When talking about anything other than work, she lightens up and has a great sense of humor. Also, within my first week here, she opened up to me about her personal life, and she has been through a LOT of shit in the past few years... even the past few months. I think this has a great deal to do with her attitude and her stress level--between work and her tumultous personal life, she's dealing with a lot. I really want to get to know her better because I think she's an amazing person.
Again, I'd just like to say that I think all three of my houseparents are great at what they do. They work well together as a team and are actively communicative with one another. They push me to be my best, and they make me really happy and proud to be a part of this house. I kind of feel like an outsider, but already that's starting to change...!
--Rebecca
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Bad/Good
Too tired to think of a clever way to do this.
BAD
-The morning before the girls took the ACT, I made them sausage patties. They were gray when coming out of the freezer and very greasy when cooked. They seemed pretty disgusting to me, but the girls love any kind of meat, so I followed what it said to do on the package. After I drove home and parked the car, I got out and saw a patty with ONE bite taken out of it laying on the ground. I mean, come on. At LEAST have the decency to put it in the trash so that I don't see it.
-Today, I called Michelle* "Melissa*" (another scholar's name) by accident. She seemed offended and said she's never once heard me call her the right name. I felt like crap.
-On the way to the college fair, one of the boys from the boys' house made a rude comment towards me and two of my girls laughed. I should have called him out but I chickened out. The girls NEVER would have laughed a) if one of the girls had said that, rather than a scholar from the boys' house, or b) if it had been another houseparent. So that was frusturating, particularly because I didn't stand up for myself. Sometimes in those moments when scholars are disrespectful to me (which are few and far between but they do happen), I'm caught off guard and rather than responding, I just shut down.
GOOD
-Sylvie helped me put together some stuff for the Organization X dinner with the CEO tonight, which was really sweet. She also helped me do house laundry over the weekend (even though she didn't have to).
-Had a good conversation with Gloria* about musicals/acting. It was nice to see her being excited and passionate about something (instead of whining, as per usual).
-Got a very complimentary e-mail about Nelly* from her teacher, saying that she is one of her best students. I wasn't surprised, because I already knew Nelly is an awesome student, but it made me happy to see that her teacher noticed.
-The college fair was helpful. I got a lot of great pamphlets/materials for the girls and for my bullitan board. I also had some interesting conversations with the various college admissions people who were there. It was kind of nice to talk to adults, for once. I felt very adult (despite getting mistaken for a high school student multiple times, no surprise there), which was strange, but fun.
-Generally, I'm connecting with most of the scholars. I feel most comfortable around Nelly, Nina and Julia*. Melissa seems a little TOO comfortable around me (as in, wanting to discuss inappropriate topics like drinking and how much she hates my boss, who I also hate but can't really undermine) so I need set boundaries. The rest I could get to know a little better, which will come with time, I think.
Thanks to everyone for reading this and being so supportive. Having so many amazing people to cherish in my life keeps me going during the bad moments, and I LOVE sharing the good moments with all of you, work-related or otherwise.
--Rebecca
BAD
-The morning before the girls took the ACT, I made them sausage patties. They were gray when coming out of the freezer and very greasy when cooked. They seemed pretty disgusting to me, but the girls love any kind of meat, so I followed what it said to do on the package. After I drove home and parked the car, I got out and saw a patty with ONE bite taken out of it laying on the ground. I mean, come on. At LEAST have the decency to put it in the trash so that I don't see it.
-Today, I called Michelle* "Melissa*" (another scholar's name) by accident. She seemed offended and said she's never once heard me call her the right name. I felt like crap.
-On the way to the college fair, one of the boys from the boys' house made a rude comment towards me and two of my girls laughed. I should have called him out but I chickened out. The girls NEVER would have laughed a) if one of the girls had said that, rather than a scholar from the boys' house, or b) if it had been another houseparent. So that was frusturating, particularly because I didn't stand up for myself. Sometimes in those moments when scholars are disrespectful to me (which are few and far between but they do happen), I'm caught off guard and rather than responding, I just shut down.
GOOD
-Sylvie helped me put together some stuff for the Organization X dinner with the CEO tonight, which was really sweet. She also helped me do house laundry over the weekend (even though she didn't have to).
-Had a good conversation with Gloria* about musicals/acting. It was nice to see her being excited and passionate about something (instead of whining, as per usual).
-Got a very complimentary e-mail about Nelly* from her teacher, saying that she is one of her best students. I wasn't surprised, because I already knew Nelly is an awesome student, but it made me happy to see that her teacher noticed.
-The college fair was helpful. I got a lot of great pamphlets/materials for the girls and for my bullitan board. I also had some interesting conversations with the various college admissions people who were there. It was kind of nice to talk to adults, for once. I felt very adult (despite getting mistaken for a high school student multiple times, no surprise there), which was strange, but fun.
-Generally, I'm connecting with most of the scholars. I feel most comfortable around Nelly, Nina and Julia*. Melissa seems a little TOO comfortable around me (as in, wanting to discuss inappropriate topics like drinking and how much she hates my boss, who I also hate but can't really undermine) so I need set boundaries. The rest I could get to know a little better, which will come with time, I think.
Thanks to everyone for reading this and being so supportive. Having so many amazing people to cherish in my life keeps me going during the bad moments, and I LOVE sharing the good moments with all of you, work-related or otherwise.
--Rebecca
Friday, September 9, 2011
Indie Music
A week or so back, one of the scholars, Sylvie*, asked me what type of music I listen to. I hate not giving an answer to that question, or saying "anything but country," so I said "indie music." It's a pretty broad genere so I figured it covered a lot. Sylvie was like, "India music?" She'd never heard of it. Most of the girls listen to Top 40 and rap, although some of them enjoy oldies, soul and bluesy stuff.
Anyway, today Sylvie asked me to play her an indie music song. I figured she wouldn't like anything slow and sad, so I youtubed the first thing that came to mind, which was Ratatat's "Wildcat." Sylvie and Julia* began to dance around wildly--I particularly liked when Julia got down on her knees like she was playing a guitar solo. After a bit Sylvie said, "There aren't any words?" I've heard the song so many times that I'd kind of forgotten about that part. Then Sylvie asked me if my friends and I danced to this type of music. I told her that yeah, in college I occasionally went to parties where they played that kind of music. She laughed and asked how we danced to it, and then immediately went into what turned out to be a pretty close imitation of an average Earlham student--one arm in the air, sort of bouncing up and down. It was hilarious.
Once the song was over, Sylvie said, "Let me show you some of our music." She youtubed "the wobble," which I'd never heard of. It's a song and a line dance. She and Julia were trying to teach me... it was pretty hard! I could get the hands but the feet were kind of confusing. It was fun though, kind of like Zumba! Just as I was starting to get it though, I had to leave.
So yeah, today was fun. Also, a few of the scholars noticed me watching RuPaul's Drag Race and we watched an episode together. I was excited to show them my latest obsession, and can't wait to learn more about theirs'.
Wildcat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKniXABsUeE
The wobble: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CK665cgZfk&feature=related
--Rebecca
Anyway, today Sylvie asked me to play her an indie music song. I figured she wouldn't like anything slow and sad, so I youtubed the first thing that came to mind, which was Ratatat's "Wildcat." Sylvie and Julia* began to dance around wildly--I particularly liked when Julia got down on her knees like she was playing a guitar solo. After a bit Sylvie said, "There aren't any words?" I've heard the song so many times that I'd kind of forgotten about that part. Then Sylvie asked me if my friends and I danced to this type of music. I told her that yeah, in college I occasionally went to parties where they played that kind of music. She laughed and asked how we danced to it, and then immediately went into what turned out to be a pretty close imitation of an average Earlham student--one arm in the air, sort of bouncing up and down. It was hilarious.
Once the song was over, Sylvie said, "Let me show you some of our music." She youtubed "the wobble," which I'd never heard of. It's a song and a line dance. She and Julia were trying to teach me... it was pretty hard! I could get the hands but the feet were kind of confusing. It was fun though, kind of like Zumba! Just as I was starting to get it though, I had to leave.
So yeah, today was fun. Also, a few of the scholars noticed me watching RuPaul's Drag Race and we watched an episode together. I was excited to show them my latest obsession, and can't wait to learn more about theirs'.
Wildcat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKniXABsUeE
The wobble: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CK665cgZfk&feature=related
--Rebecca
Thursday, September 8, 2011
"Girlfight" Part II: The Baffling Resolution
So this a continuation of the story from yesterday. Here's a recap: Nina told me that a girl in school had threatened to beat her up and had gotten into several fights in the past.
Today, I had my weekly meeting with my bosses (we call them "the office"). These meetings are usually tense and set the whole day off on the wrong foot. This one was no different. Nothing specifically bad happened, it was just awkward and weird. Immediately after that meeting, I had another meeting with one of my bosses, who I'll call Ms. Graw.
Ms. Graw asked me if I'd been having any problems or worries concerning specific scholars. So, I talked about Nina and let Ms. Graw know that I was worried about her transition here. I eased into the stories Nina told about getting into fights. Ms. Graw just started to laugh. She told me that Nina had never been in any fights at her old school (which I figured she would know since they all get a history on the girls). I was pretty embarrassed because I had totally believed Nina, aside from considering that she may have been exaggerating... We speculated that maybe Nina made up the stories to impress me or seem "tough" to make up for her status as the youngest scholar in the house. At the end of the meeting, Ms. Graw said I should tell the other houseparents so that we would all be on the same page about Nina making up stories.
So. I come home. Tell the other houseparents. And they tell me that Nina is Ms. Graw's NIECE!!!!!! WHY did no one think to mention this to me before??? I guess it was okay because Ms. Graw thought the story was funny, but we spent most of the session talking about Nina even though I had no idea she was related to her!! But it makes sense looking back on the meetings... for instance, Nina is the only girl who goes to the middle school while the rest go to the high school. I was planning on visiting Nina's school to help with homework, etc. once a month, since she's 1 out of the 8 girls, but Ms. Shaw said I should go twice a month instead. Maybe a little nepotism there...?
Anyway. I feel dumb for believing a bunch of stuff a 13-year-old told me. But if anything, this just further emphasizes my points about being priveliged and sheltered. I have no idea what goes on in schools on the South side of Chicago... 8th graders getting into fistfights? Why not? Who knows? Obviously not me... but I'm learning.
--Rebecca
Today, I had my weekly meeting with my bosses (we call them "the office"). These meetings are usually tense and set the whole day off on the wrong foot. This one was no different. Nothing specifically bad happened, it was just awkward and weird. Immediately after that meeting, I had another meeting with one of my bosses, who I'll call Ms. Graw.
Ms. Graw asked me if I'd been having any problems or worries concerning specific scholars. So, I talked about Nina and let Ms. Graw know that I was worried about her transition here. I eased into the stories Nina told about getting into fights. Ms. Graw just started to laugh. She told me that Nina had never been in any fights at her old school (which I figured she would know since they all get a history on the girls). I was pretty embarrassed because I had totally believed Nina, aside from considering that she may have been exaggerating... We speculated that maybe Nina made up the stories to impress me or seem "tough" to make up for her status as the youngest scholar in the house. At the end of the meeting, Ms. Graw said I should tell the other houseparents so that we would all be on the same page about Nina making up stories.
So. I come home. Tell the other houseparents. And they tell me that Nina is Ms. Graw's NIECE!!!!!! WHY did no one think to mention this to me before??? I guess it was okay because Ms. Graw thought the story was funny, but we spent most of the session talking about Nina even though I had no idea she was related to her!! But it makes sense looking back on the meetings... for instance, Nina is the only girl who goes to the middle school while the rest go to the high school. I was planning on visiting Nina's school to help with homework, etc. once a month, since she's 1 out of the 8 girls, but Ms. Shaw said I should go twice a month instead. Maybe a little nepotism there...?
Anyway. I feel dumb for believing a bunch of stuff a 13-year-old told me. But if anything, this just further emphasizes my points about being priveliged and sheltered. I have no idea what goes on in schools on the South side of Chicago... 8th graders getting into fistfights? Why not? Who knows? Obviously not me... but I'm learning.
--Rebecca
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
It's about to be a what...? Girlfight
A LOT of stuff happened today that I want to talk about. First, I had a really long conversation with the youngest scholar, Nina*, who's in 8th grade. She started talking to me in the living room and we kept talking in the car, all the way to her volleyball game. Mostly we talked about school and volleyball and shopping, but then the conversation turned to more important things. She asked me if I liked working at Organization X, and I told her I did like it, a lot. I asked her if she liked it and she said, sometimes, but added that she got tired of seeing the same people all day. I liked that answer--it was honest, and it makes sense after coming from a home where it's just her and 2 baby sisters (something else I learned in that conversation).
So then Nina began telling me about a girl at her new private school who threatened to beat her up. Apparently Nina had confronted her and told her to go ahead and punch her, and the girl quickly backed off. I HAD to wonder if this conflict had something to do with race after seeing part of Nina's volleyball game today... she was the only girl of color in the entire room. But maybe not, because Nina also said she'd gotten into a few fights at her old school (which I'm assuming, perhaps falsely, was primarily black), including one with a female high school junior. Nina did have a sense of pride about the fights she'd gotten in, which made me wonder if her stories were exaggerated.
Regardless, I didn't know how to react. Nina even told me her mother had told her that it was okay if she got into fights, as long as she didn't lose. I was really shocked by the whole conversation. I've never even seen a physical fight, let alone been in one. Nina is in 8th grade and she's been in several. I just told Nina that using words is a smarter, more effective way to deal with conflict.
And the thing is, Nina is a really smart girl. She isn't afraid to speak her mind or protest when she feels something is unfair, which drives us houseparents crazy, but is also an admirable quality to have, in my mind. I'm happy that she stands up for herself. I just don't want her to take that ability to defend herself to a physical level. I have a feeling her new school wouldn't stand for that the way her old school might have. Besides, she needs to learn that there are better ways to handle problems.
The whole conversation served as a reminder of my privelige and how sheltered I've been throughout my life. This is one job in which it's easy to forget that. Sure, a lot of these girls are originally from poor families and neighborhoods, but now they live in Evanston, and in many ways have been assimilated into their new environment (fancy dan schools with pampered white people, which I'm discovering are very similar to the schools I went to growing up). The scholars tend to keep their lives at Organization X pretty seperate from their home lives, as far as I can tell. It's conversations like the one with Nina today that remind me that these girls are "outsiders within." ("Outsiders" meaning their race, class, and other disadvantages leaves them "outside" of privelige, and "within" meaning the program gives them some advantages, helping them come into some of the priveliges that they deserve).
--Rebecca
So then Nina began telling me about a girl at her new private school who threatened to beat her up. Apparently Nina had confronted her and told her to go ahead and punch her, and the girl quickly backed off. I HAD to wonder if this conflict had something to do with race after seeing part of Nina's volleyball game today... she was the only girl of color in the entire room. But maybe not, because Nina also said she'd gotten into a few fights at her old school (which I'm assuming, perhaps falsely, was primarily black), including one with a female high school junior. Nina did have a sense of pride about the fights she'd gotten in, which made me wonder if her stories were exaggerated.
Regardless, I didn't know how to react. Nina even told me her mother had told her that it was okay if she got into fights, as long as she didn't lose. I was really shocked by the whole conversation. I've never even seen a physical fight, let alone been in one. Nina is in 8th grade and she's been in several. I just told Nina that using words is a smarter, more effective way to deal with conflict.
And the thing is, Nina is a really smart girl. She isn't afraid to speak her mind or protest when she feels something is unfair, which drives us houseparents crazy, but is also an admirable quality to have, in my mind. I'm happy that she stands up for herself. I just don't want her to take that ability to defend herself to a physical level. I have a feeling her new school wouldn't stand for that the way her old school might have. Besides, she needs to learn that there are better ways to handle problems.
The whole conversation served as a reminder of my privelige and how sheltered I've been throughout my life. This is one job in which it's easy to forget that. Sure, a lot of these girls are originally from poor families and neighborhoods, but now they live in Evanston, and in many ways have been assimilated into their new environment (fancy dan schools with pampered white people, which I'm discovering are very similar to the schools I went to growing up). The scholars tend to keep their lives at Organization X pretty seperate from their home lives, as far as I can tell. It's conversations like the one with Nina today that remind me that these girls are "outsiders within." ("Outsiders" meaning their race, class, and other disadvantages leaves them "outside" of privelige, and "within" meaning the program gives them some advantages, helping them come into some of the priveliges that they deserve).
--Rebecca
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