Hey all, sorry I haven't updated in ages. As some of you know, the last couple of weeks at my job have been extremely stressful. I didn't want to blog about it because a) I don't want to worry you, and b) complaining is NOT the point of this blog.
I'm on the last day of a 4-day break. Sometimes I just have those in my schedule. It was really refreshing. I went home to see family, went back to Earlham and saw some old friends, and am finishing off the weekend by hanging out with Lucas tonight. Seeing all these people I love was good for me. It reminded me that work is not my life, and that my life is full of love and support.
The other great news is, I have 6 work days left until I'm home for Christmas! That will be the longest break I've had so far - 9 days. I'm really excited, especially after realizing how much good this break has done for me.
Everyone at my job, from the houseparents to my bosses, pushes me really hard. I get a lot of constructive criticism from them, but not a lot of positive feedback. This can sometimes get discouraging. But I know they're just trying to help me do the best possible job I can. During these first nearly 6 months, I've already learned so much about myself and the world. I think I've done a great job and grown a lot. I'm constantly trying to remind myself of what's going well in my job and what I'm good at.
I've also started looking forward to the future. I've started applying for Master's in Social Work programs. As much as I'm learning from this job, I'm excited for the next step, excited to take classes again, excited to actually leave school at the end of the day and go HOME, wherever that may be.
I'm going to return to work tomorrow with all these happy thoughts - past, present, and future - on my mind. I am GOING to have a productive week AND a good week. Love you all.
--Rebecca
Monday, December 12, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Apology Letter to Parents
I've been meaning to do this for a while, and Thanksgiving seems like as good a time as any. So here it goes:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I want to formally apologize for my behavior during the years 1999 through... well, 2011, with a particular focus on 99-07. I'm sorry for all the time you asked me, "How was school?" and I said, "fine." I'm sorry for all the times I whined about chores. I wasted so much time complaining when I could have just done the chore and done something else. I'm sorry for every time I thought Mom sat around doing nothing all day (the girls have accused me of this and it's definitely not the case)! I'm sorry for every time I cried or threw a fit over something trivial. I'm sorry for every time I was more interested in what was on T.V. than what you had to say. I'm sorry I ever took either of you for granted. You are the most patient, loving parents anyone could ask for!
Love,
Rebecca
P.S. Grandparents, this is for you too ;)
*********************************************************************************
I know I'm not technically a parent, but some days I feel like one! I laugh when I look back and think of all the times I thought it was so hard to be a kid, and so easy to be an adult. Sure it sucks being told what to do, but it's harder NOT knowing, going on instinct, hoping you're doing the right thing. I'm getting better at trusting my instincts. I've grown up more in the past few months than I have in the past few years. I'm not so scared of what's to come anymore.
Speaking of which, I've made my decision. I'm becoming an AmeriCorps member, but leaving Organization X in August. That way, if I get into grad school, I can go straight into it. I was thinking about staying on until December because I was scared--will I get a job afterwards? Will I be able to pay my bills? But I can't stay in a job out of fear. I have to move on, and when August comes around, I know I'll be ready.
--Rebecca
Dear Mom and Dad,
I want to formally apologize for my behavior during the years 1999 through... well, 2011, with a particular focus on 99-07. I'm sorry for all the time you asked me, "How was school?" and I said, "fine." I'm sorry for all the times I whined about chores. I wasted so much time complaining when I could have just done the chore and done something else. I'm sorry for every time I thought Mom sat around doing nothing all day (the girls have accused me of this and it's definitely not the case)! I'm sorry for every time I cried or threw a fit over something trivial. I'm sorry for every time I was more interested in what was on T.V. than what you had to say. I'm sorry I ever took either of you for granted. You are the most patient, loving parents anyone could ask for!
Love,
Rebecca
P.S. Grandparents, this is for you too ;)
*********************************************************************************
I know I'm not technically a parent, but some days I feel like one! I laugh when I look back and think of all the times I thought it was so hard to be a kid, and so easy to be an adult. Sure it sucks being told what to do, but it's harder NOT knowing, going on instinct, hoping you're doing the right thing. I'm getting better at trusting my instincts. I've grown up more in the past few months than I have in the past few years. I'm not so scared of what's to come anymore.
Speaking of which, I've made my decision. I'm becoming an AmeriCorps member, but leaving Organization X in August. That way, if I get into grad school, I can go straight into it. I was thinking about staying on until December because I was scared--will I get a job afterwards? Will I be able to pay my bills? But I can't stay in a job out of fear. I have to move on, and when August comes around, I know I'll be ready.
--Rebecca
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Big Decision
So I know I haven't posted in a while. Between juggling the girls' tutors, their grades, making sure their service hours get done, AND doing rides/checking chores/other things that aren't technically my job on top of that, it's been pretty crazy around here.
But things just got real, way realer than the minutia of the everyday.
I got an e-mail from my boss telling me I can opt to be an official AmeriCorps member now! I would LOVE to do that. But I have to make a choice--stay till this August and recieve less money towards my education award, or stay till December and recieve more money. This means I have to start making some major life decisions, which I'd already started thinking about in the past week anyway. Decisions like...
1. Is this job rewarding enough to stay on for an extra 5 months? That's 5 extra months to work on my relationships with the girls, and with my bosses (reccomendations, anyone?). Will I be able to stand it, or will I be ready to get the H-E-double hockey sticks outta here by August?
2. Do I want to start a master's program this August (almost don't even want to open that can of worms)? Can I start a master's program in January? Or would I have to wait until August 2013? Is that too long to wait?
3. Will I need the money enough to warrant staying on longer? Grad school is flipping expensive, and though I know my family would help me, extra money never hurts.
In conclusion, help.
--Rebecca
But things just got real, way realer than the minutia of the everyday.
I got an e-mail from my boss telling me I can opt to be an official AmeriCorps member now! I would LOVE to do that. But I have to make a choice--stay till this August and recieve less money towards my education award, or stay till December and recieve more money. This means I have to start making some major life decisions, which I'd already started thinking about in the past week anyway. Decisions like...
1. Is this job rewarding enough to stay on for an extra 5 months? That's 5 extra months to work on my relationships with the girls, and with my bosses (reccomendations, anyone?). Will I be able to stand it, or will I be ready to get the H-E-double hockey sticks outta here by August?
2. Do I want to start a master's program this August (almost don't even want to open that can of worms)? Can I start a master's program in January? Or would I have to wait until August 2013? Is that too long to wait?
3. Will I need the money enough to warrant staying on longer? Grad school is flipping expensive, and though I know my family would help me, extra money never hurts.
In conclusion, help.
--Rebecca
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
One of those Days...
This is one of those days where I feel like I'm working really hard but getting nothing right. This is one of those days where no one is communicating with me. This is one of those days where the girls keep criticising me for every little thing, and I can't let it affect me or I'll explode.
*Sigh*
I didn't want to write another negative entry, because I feel like I'm making everyone worry.
Sure TODAY is one of those days, but Saturday was a great day. Nina, Wilma and N and I worked in an old folks' home. Nina cooked a buttload of scrambled eggs, N made bacon, and Wilma and I were on roll control. The residents were SO much fun. They were talking to us and joking around with us and laughing up a storm. N practiced her Spanish with one of the residents, and even called out Bingo numbers in English and Spanish. Nina was helping a resident with a craft. Wilma had some very profoud things to say during the reflection afterward. Never have I been so proud of the girls. They engaged with the residents and really cheered them up. They took the PFO really seriously.
Thinking about that is already making me feel better. I'm going to make a list of other things that have gone well lately:
TTHGWL:
-I've been good about updating the bullitan board.
-I've gone to the girls' schools every week. Even though I usually only see them in passing, I think they like seeing me around.
-I completed all the PFO forms so far and am going to turn them into the school tomorrow.
-Even though Nina drives me crazy sometimes, we're pretty close.
-I feel really comfortable working with Cris.
-The girls make me laugh a lot, and I make them laugh a lot.
-I left the girls' encouraging notes on their report cards and asked them a few of them to meet with me to discuss grades.
-There are 3 home weekends in November (meaning 4-day weekends for me)!!! Plus Mom, Dad and Rach are coming to visit me this weekend :)
--Rebecca
*Sigh*
I didn't want to write another negative entry, because I feel like I'm making everyone worry.
Sure TODAY is one of those days, but Saturday was a great day. Nina, Wilma and N and I worked in an old folks' home. Nina cooked a buttload of scrambled eggs, N made bacon, and Wilma and I were on roll control. The residents were SO much fun. They were talking to us and joking around with us and laughing up a storm. N practiced her Spanish with one of the residents, and even called out Bingo numbers in English and Spanish. Nina was helping a resident with a craft. Wilma had some very profoud things to say during the reflection afterward. Never have I been so proud of the girls. They engaged with the residents and really cheered them up. They took the PFO really seriously.
Thinking about that is already making me feel better. I'm going to make a list of other things that have gone well lately:
TTHGWL:
-I've been good about updating the bullitan board.
-I've gone to the girls' schools every week. Even though I usually only see them in passing, I think they like seeing me around.
-I completed all the PFO forms so far and am going to turn them into the school tomorrow.
-Even though Nina drives me crazy sometimes, we're pretty close.
-I feel really comfortable working with Cris.
-The girls make me laugh a lot, and I make them laugh a lot.
-I left the girls' encouraging notes on their report cards and asked them a few of them to meet with me to discuss grades.
-There are 3 home weekends in November (meaning 4-day weekends for me)!!! Plus Mom, Dad and Rach are coming to visit me this weekend :)
--Rebecca
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
More Realizations
Relationships are HARD.
For one thing, I've been bad about keeping in touch with family, friends from high school and college. I work weird hours and when I'm not working, I'm generally with Lucas.
On the flip side, I spend a LOT of time with the people I work and live with (i.e. scholars and houseparents). I'm still building relationships with all of these people, which is difficult first because there are 11 of them, and second, because we see each other every. single. day. So if you have a beef with someone or they have a beef with you, you have zero space.
I think I value relationships a lot more now than I ever have before. That's because, unlike in college, I don't see my friends every day. Unlike in high school, I don't see my family every day, or even every month. I don't even see Lucas every day because of the nature of my job. I'm feeling... not homesick, but peoplesick.
So... if you're reading this... feel free to give me a call :)
--Rebecca
For one thing, I've been bad about keeping in touch with family, friends from high school and college. I work weird hours and when I'm not working, I'm generally with Lucas.
On the flip side, I spend a LOT of time with the people I work and live with (i.e. scholars and houseparents). I'm still building relationships with all of these people, which is difficult first because there are 11 of them, and second, because we see each other every. single. day. So if you have a beef with someone or they have a beef with you, you have zero space.
I think I value relationships a lot more now than I ever have before. That's because, unlike in college, I don't see my friends every day. Unlike in high school, I don't see my family every day, or even every month. I don't even see Lucas every day because of the nature of my job. I'm feeling... not homesick, but peoplesick.
So... if you're reading this... feel free to give me a call :)
--Rebecca
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Firsts and Realizations
Firsts:
-Speeding ticket. So embarassing and expensive.
-Credit card bill that I paid all by myself! Well, after a 20-minute Q&A session with Dad...
-Time I have ever attempted to freestyle rap. Emphasis on attempted.
Realizations:
One of the things I realized recently is that I do not take criticism well. And at this job, it comes at me from all angles: the girls criticize my cooking, my houseparents criticize me for not being confident enough in my role as a leader, and the office criticizes me for, frankly, some really stupid stuff. For example, the other day Ms. Graw said someone from the school (absolutely no indication as to whom) thought something I wore to school was inappropriate (no information as to what the item of clothing was). Please note that during this conversation, I was wearing dress pants and a turtleneck. Just saying.
Anyway, I'm trying to see everyone's criticism as constructive, and not take it so personally. I think I've already developed a thicker skin. I just keep in mind that I am a good person, and that everybody makes mistakes, even if they're working really hard.
Which brings me to the second thing I learned about myself recently: I am a perfectionist. I set extremely high expectations for myself at this job, largely because I hate letting anyone down, ever. Here's the problem: I am not very detail-oriented. And--this may come as a shock to you--I'm a little spacey. The result of this unlikely combination is, I end up making a lot of small mistakes and being really hard on myself for making them. Not the ideal setup. But again, I remember that I am a good person, I'm working hard, and I'm gonna make mistakes. That's just how it is.
Is giving myself these little pep talks helping? Not really. But venting to Lucas (and, now, to whoever's reading this), is definitely helping. So I'm gonna stick with that.
--Rebecca
-Speeding ticket. So embarassing and expensive.
-Credit card bill that I paid all by myself! Well, after a 20-minute Q&A session with Dad...
-Time I have ever attempted to freestyle rap. Emphasis on attempted.
Realizations:
One of the things I realized recently is that I do not take criticism well. And at this job, it comes at me from all angles: the girls criticize my cooking, my houseparents criticize me for not being confident enough in my role as a leader, and the office criticizes me for, frankly, some really stupid stuff. For example, the other day Ms. Graw said someone from the school (absolutely no indication as to whom) thought something I wore to school was inappropriate (no information as to what the item of clothing was). Please note that during this conversation, I was wearing dress pants and a turtleneck. Just saying.
Anyway, I'm trying to see everyone's criticism as constructive, and not take it so personally. I think I've already developed a thicker skin. I just keep in mind that I am a good person, and that everybody makes mistakes, even if they're working really hard.
Which brings me to the second thing I learned about myself recently: I am a perfectionist. I set extremely high expectations for myself at this job, largely because I hate letting anyone down, ever. Here's the problem: I am not very detail-oriented. And--this may come as a shock to you--I'm a little spacey. The result of this unlikely combination is, I end up making a lot of small mistakes and being really hard on myself for making them. Not the ideal setup. But again, I remember that I am a good person, I'm working hard, and I'm gonna make mistakes. That's just how it is.
Is giving myself these little pep talks helping? Not really. But venting to Lucas (and, now, to whoever's reading this), is definitely helping. So I'm gonna stick with that.
--Rebecca
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Letter from the Lead Houseparent
Found this letter in my box yesterday with a Starbucks gift card, and wanted to share it with you all. It made me happy :)
Oct. 10, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
I know you were kind of thrown into your job, and it may have been like sink or swin, but I just want to let you know you tread water like a pro. In translation, you are doing a great job setting up your PFO events, posting them and hopefully turning in golden tickets to the girls' school :) The efforts you make that go above and beyond do not go unnoticed; fixing the homework check book, entering daily logs, preparing meals, doing crazy rides... everything outside of ASC "duties" but also inclusive are PFO and Academics are greatly appreciated.
This is merely a token of my gratitude for doing your job and going above when needed. I wish I could do more! But since I can't, have a cup of caffeine on me, and keep up the good work! Remember: don't be afraid to ask questions.
With Appreciation,
Cris
Oct. 10, 2011
Dear Rebecca,
I know you were kind of thrown into your job, and it may have been like sink or swin, but I just want to let you know you tread water like a pro. In translation, you are doing a great job setting up your PFO events, posting them and hopefully turning in golden tickets to the girls' school :) The efforts you make that go above and beyond do not go unnoticed; fixing the homework check book, entering daily logs, preparing meals, doing crazy rides... everything outside of ASC "duties" but also inclusive are PFO and Academics are greatly appreciated.
This is merely a token of my gratitude for doing your job and going above when needed. I wish I could do more! But since I can't, have a cup of caffeine on me, and keep up the good work! Remember: don't be afraid to ask questions.
With Appreciation,
Cris
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Rolling with the Punches
So the 3 girls involved in the Cell Phone incident--namely, Nina, Julia and Sylvie--have all been suspended from Organization X for 2 weeks as of today. This was decided after a 2-hour-long meeting with Dr. Ross, the girls' parents, and 2 houseparents. And boy am I glad I wasn't there, because Maya and Cris seemed really stressed afterwards.
I don't know a lot of details, since I wasn't there. But what I'm hearing from Cris is that the houseparents (and perhaps even office staff) are trying to find grounds to kick Sylvie out of the program. She just isn't owning up to any of the lies she's told in the past few weeks (unlike Nina, but Julia isn't owning up, either). As I say all the time, this program is *NOT* for students with behavioral problems; it's an academic program, for scholars. We are not equipped to deal with psychological issues like the ones Sylvie clearly has. I have heard houseparents, scholars and even a few of the girls' mentors express that they would like Sylvie out of the program.
Obviously Nina and Julia are also at fault concering the Cell Phone Incident. The difference is, Sylvie has been in the program for 3 years and many similar situations have been linked to her. Nina and Julia have only been here a few months. On the other hand, they haven't given us a great first impression in that short amount of time.
Personally, I think Sylvie should be gone and Nina and Julia should get another chance. But of course, I'm biased because I have a good relationship with Nina. As of now, nothing is decided yet except the 2-week suspension. I think the final outcome will be either no one gets kicked out, or just Sylvie gets kicked out. But hey, you never know what the office is gonna do.
As for me, I'm a little stressed. On top of the drama, we had a shadow come today. She was nice, but I was so not prepared to give a house tour and entertain her while cooking dinner. Oh that's the other thing; I unexpectedly had to cook dinner. Sloppy joes, which believe me, I didn't pick. None of the girls even eat sloppy joes. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I've never eaten one until today. It was kind of gross. I think 1 girl out of 8 ate them, and I don't even blame them...
PLUS Gloria had a meltdown. We had to usher all but the 3 girls out of the house, so the 3 girls could pack their things. We hung out at a past employee's house, where Gloria couldn't do her homework because the other girls were being too loud and their computer was too slow. She was crying and complaining and not letting anyone help her. For once, I didn't have very much sympathy for her. Sometimes unexpected shit happens and you just have to roll with the punches.
--Rebecca
I don't know a lot of details, since I wasn't there. But what I'm hearing from Cris is that the houseparents (and perhaps even office staff) are trying to find grounds to kick Sylvie out of the program. She just isn't owning up to any of the lies she's told in the past few weeks (unlike Nina, but Julia isn't owning up, either). As I say all the time, this program is *NOT* for students with behavioral problems; it's an academic program, for scholars. We are not equipped to deal with psychological issues like the ones Sylvie clearly has. I have heard houseparents, scholars and even a few of the girls' mentors express that they would like Sylvie out of the program.
Obviously Nina and Julia are also at fault concering the Cell Phone Incident. The difference is, Sylvie has been in the program for 3 years and many similar situations have been linked to her. Nina and Julia have only been here a few months. On the other hand, they haven't given us a great first impression in that short amount of time.
Personally, I think Sylvie should be gone and Nina and Julia should get another chance. But of course, I'm biased because I have a good relationship with Nina. As of now, nothing is decided yet except the 2-week suspension. I think the final outcome will be either no one gets kicked out, or just Sylvie gets kicked out. But hey, you never know what the office is gonna do.
As for me, I'm a little stressed. On top of the drama, we had a shadow come today. She was nice, but I was so not prepared to give a house tour and entertain her while cooking dinner. Oh that's the other thing; I unexpectedly had to cook dinner. Sloppy joes, which believe me, I didn't pick. None of the girls even eat sloppy joes. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I've never eaten one until today. It was kind of gross. I think 1 girl out of 8 ate them, and I don't even blame them...
PLUS Gloria had a meltdown. We had to usher all but the 3 girls out of the house, so the 3 girls could pack their things. We hung out at a past employee's house, where Gloria couldn't do her homework because the other girls were being too loud and their computer was too slow. She was crying and complaining and not letting anyone help her. For once, I didn't have very much sympathy for her. Sometimes unexpected shit happens and you just have to roll with the punches.
--Rebecca
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Truth Will Out!
Okay, remember the Cell Phone Incident, in which N's phone disappeared and she blamed Sylvie for stealing it? (If not it's explained in an entry entitled "aaaand I jinxed myself.") Well, today the truth came out about what happened! Well, a few more pieces of the puzzle, anyway...
So Nina has been getting into a LOT of trouble lately. She recently was forced to switch from being roommates with Sylvie to being roommates with N., which nobody understood because Nina and N. dislike each other more than anyone. I was told that N.'s mom didn't want her hanging out with Sylvie and Julia, as she felt they were a bad influence, and the only room switch that could even happen was those two. Anyway, shortly after the room switch, Maya told me she'd talked to Nina's mother. Nina's mom said Nina had called her crying, saying she didn't want to be in the program anymore. Maya asked me to talk to Nina, since I had the closest relationship with her, and comfort her.
Today, I called Nina into the office and asked her how she was doing with the new room switch. She said fine. I asked how it was being roommates with N. She said fine. You get the picture...
An hour later, Nina asks to talk to me, and confesses to taking N.'s phone! She said it was a group effor with her and Julia and Sylvie, but that SHE had been the one to actually take it out of N.'s room! I was shocked and proud of her for telling me the truth.
Also, not to toot my own horn here but I was really proud that Nina came to me! It just showed that we have a good relationship and that she trusts me. That made me really happy. Because I know she's a troublemaker and a whiner but at the end of the day, how can you not love that face? I mean really. I'm a sucker for stuff like that.
--Rebecca
So Nina has been getting into a LOT of trouble lately. She recently was forced to switch from being roommates with Sylvie to being roommates with N., which nobody understood because Nina and N. dislike each other more than anyone. I was told that N.'s mom didn't want her hanging out with Sylvie and Julia, as she felt they were a bad influence, and the only room switch that could even happen was those two. Anyway, shortly after the room switch, Maya told me she'd talked to Nina's mother. Nina's mom said Nina had called her crying, saying she didn't want to be in the program anymore. Maya asked me to talk to Nina, since I had the closest relationship with her, and comfort her.
Today, I called Nina into the office and asked her how she was doing with the new room switch. She said fine. I asked how it was being roommates with N. She said fine. You get the picture...
An hour later, Nina asks to talk to me, and confesses to taking N.'s phone! She said it was a group effor with her and Julia and Sylvie, but that SHE had been the one to actually take it out of N.'s room! I was shocked and proud of her for telling me the truth.
Also, not to toot my own horn here but I was really proud that Nina came to me! It just showed that we have a good relationship and that she trusts me. That made me really happy. Because I know she's a troublemaker and a whiner but at the end of the day, how can you not love that face? I mean really. I'm a sucker for stuff like that.
--Rebecca
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Frusturations with my Boss
...after all, who doesn't have them?
F.W.B.
1. Dr. Ross called me twice in one week to ask me for very basic info: once to ask for Sylvie's primary guardian's cell phone number, and once to ask for a recent graduate of Organization X's number. Really? She doesn't have this information, but I do? Shouldn't I be calling her with questions like that? Trying to cut her some slack, I thought maybe she was out of the office and didn't have access to that info. But I was out driving around both times when she called and I had that info on me. Wtf.
2. She essentially blamed all the cell phone drama on us houseparents, asking why we didn't notice that Sylvie and N hadn't been talking for two weeks. The reality is, I rarely see any two kids together after school--they're racing around to various extracurricular activities, doing homework, eating dinner at different times. And when the scholars do socialize, it's usually in their rooms, where houseparents aren't hanging out. Surely Dr. Ross doesn't think we saw them being mean to each other and just ignored it... I also take issue with her assuming she knows what goes on in the house, seeing as how she's never BEEN to our house since I've been here (Ms. Graw has been at least 3 times).
3. This one needs a little backstory: the first thing that the ASC from last year told me is, DON'T get sucked into doing filing and office work; it's not your job. Caroline told me the same thing; it's NOT your job. Dr. Ross made all 3 ASC's set up specific times when we were going to come into the office and do paperwork. I decided, rather than stirring up a big conflict, I just straight up wasn't going to come when I said I was. I have no other reason to come into the office, and it's not my job. Evidently, the other ASC's did the same thing. So at this meeting, Dr. Ross and Ms. Graw confronted us about how no one was doing the filing. They were complaining that they were behind and about to get in trouble and that we needed to come in. One ASC just didn't say anything, another very politely said she didn't know this was a priority, and I just got annoyed and started saying I didn't have time to come into the office, it was out of my way and I needed to go home and make dinner for the girls (this was the truth!). Dr. Ross suggested I make something that takes less time next time. This was the last straw. She wants me to shirk my true duties as an ASC to come in and do HER job, so SHE doesn't get in trouble? I held back. But I have got to talk to Ms. Graw about this. It has gone way too far.
4. And this is the icing on the cake. Dr. Ross had emailed us a couple of weeks previously asking if someone would volunteer for an event that took place in the afternoon, during all the ASCs' hours off. Annoyed, she brought up the fact that no one had responded, and told us she needed a yes or no by today. We asked her what the exact hours were when the event would take place, and what would we be doing, in terms of tabling, etc. She did not know the answers to either of those questions. How does she expect us to sign up for something when we don't even know what it is we're doing, let alone the hours??
Arghhhh. I just feel like talking to my bosses should NOT be more stressful than corralling 8 high-school-age girls... but it is. If Dr. Ross doesn't develop some interpersonal skills soon, I'm gonna to have a meltdown at the next meeting. After all, what's she gonna do... FIRE a full-time volunteer, who she's already trying to take advantage of???
--Rebecca
F.W.B.
1. Dr. Ross called me twice in one week to ask me for very basic info: once to ask for Sylvie's primary guardian's cell phone number, and once to ask for a recent graduate of Organization X's number. Really? She doesn't have this information, but I do? Shouldn't I be calling her with questions like that? Trying to cut her some slack, I thought maybe she was out of the office and didn't have access to that info. But I was out driving around both times when she called and I had that info on me. Wtf.
2. She essentially blamed all the cell phone drama on us houseparents, asking why we didn't notice that Sylvie and N hadn't been talking for two weeks. The reality is, I rarely see any two kids together after school--they're racing around to various extracurricular activities, doing homework, eating dinner at different times. And when the scholars do socialize, it's usually in their rooms, where houseparents aren't hanging out. Surely Dr. Ross doesn't think we saw them being mean to each other and just ignored it... I also take issue with her assuming she knows what goes on in the house, seeing as how she's never BEEN to our house since I've been here (Ms. Graw has been at least 3 times).
3. This one needs a little backstory: the first thing that the ASC from last year told me is, DON'T get sucked into doing filing and office work; it's not your job. Caroline told me the same thing; it's NOT your job. Dr. Ross made all 3 ASC's set up specific times when we were going to come into the office and do paperwork. I decided, rather than stirring up a big conflict, I just straight up wasn't going to come when I said I was. I have no other reason to come into the office, and it's not my job. Evidently, the other ASC's did the same thing. So at this meeting, Dr. Ross and Ms. Graw confronted us about how no one was doing the filing. They were complaining that they were behind and about to get in trouble and that we needed to come in. One ASC just didn't say anything, another very politely said she didn't know this was a priority, and I just got annoyed and started saying I didn't have time to come into the office, it was out of my way and I needed to go home and make dinner for the girls (this was the truth!). Dr. Ross suggested I make something that takes less time next time. This was the last straw. She wants me to shirk my true duties as an ASC to come in and do HER job, so SHE doesn't get in trouble? I held back. But I have got to talk to Ms. Graw about this. It has gone way too far.
4. And this is the icing on the cake. Dr. Ross had emailed us a couple of weeks previously asking if someone would volunteer for an event that took place in the afternoon, during all the ASCs' hours off. Annoyed, she brought up the fact that no one had responded, and told us she needed a yes or no by today. We asked her what the exact hours were when the event would take place, and what would we be doing, in terms of tabling, etc. She did not know the answers to either of those questions. How does she expect us to sign up for something when we don't even know what it is we're doing, let alone the hours??
Arghhhh. I just feel like talking to my bosses should NOT be more stressful than corralling 8 high-school-age girls... but it is. If Dr. Ross doesn't develop some interpersonal skills soon, I'm gonna to have a meltdown at the next meeting. After all, what's she gonna do... FIRE a full-time volunteer, who she's already trying to take advantage of???
--Rebecca
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Finally Settled In
After being at Organization X for about 2 months now, I finally feel like I have my bearings. For the most part, I know what to expect as far as my schedule, the girls, and my coworkers. I'm working hard, but I'm not overwhelmed or overly stressed because I know the drill now.
Not only do I end my days feeling calmer, I also feel like I'm doing a good job! I'm keeping tabs on the girls and what's going on in each of their lives and classes. I think they're feeling more comfortable around me. Yesterday, Michelle, one of the ones I feel like I know the least, approached me with a funny story about something that happened to her. Also yesterday, I had a lengthy conversation with Gloria about writing, and she let me read a bunch of her poetry! Then today she came to me for advice about a story. That meant a LOT to me because to me, at least, writing is really personal. Nina even helped me sweep the dining room (Nina voluntarily doing chores?? That's just crazy talk) and gave me a huge hug.
When I first came to Organization X, Maya gave me a talk about being firm with the girls, saying "Don't smile until December." While I appreciate her advice, I think my approach of building connections with the girls works, too. I still enforce rules and hold them accountable for chores (maybe not quite as effectively as the other houseparents, but I do do it). But I think it's hard for people to listen to an authority figure if they don't know that that authority figure cares about them, respects them and is on their team.
I'm not putting down my houseparents' houseparenting style, at all. They are great at what they do. But, after all, I have a different role than they do. It is not really my job to enforce rules and punishments and check chores (although of course I do those things in order to help the household run more smoothly). My primary role is to support the girls in school. And I think the best thing I can do to help with that is building a connection with them. That way they know I'm checking up on them and will be disappointed if they do poorly. I also want them to show them I believe in them, which (I hope) will help them believe in themselves.
--RO
Not only do I end my days feeling calmer, I also feel like I'm doing a good job! I'm keeping tabs on the girls and what's going on in each of their lives and classes. I think they're feeling more comfortable around me. Yesterday, Michelle, one of the ones I feel like I know the least, approached me with a funny story about something that happened to her. Also yesterday, I had a lengthy conversation with Gloria about writing, and she let me read a bunch of her poetry! Then today she came to me for advice about a story. That meant a LOT to me because to me, at least, writing is really personal. Nina even helped me sweep the dining room (Nina voluntarily doing chores?? That's just crazy talk) and gave me a huge hug.
When I first came to Organization X, Maya gave me a talk about being firm with the girls, saying "Don't smile until December." While I appreciate her advice, I think my approach of building connections with the girls works, too. I still enforce rules and hold them accountable for chores (maybe not quite as effectively as the other houseparents, but I do do it). But I think it's hard for people to listen to an authority figure if they don't know that that authority figure cares about them, respects them and is on their team.
I'm not putting down my houseparents' houseparenting style, at all. They are great at what they do. But, after all, I have a different role than they do. It is not really my job to enforce rules and punishments and check chores (although of course I do those things in order to help the household run more smoothly). My primary role is to support the girls in school. And I think the best thing I can do to help with that is building a connection with them. That way they know I'm checking up on them and will be disappointed if they do poorly. I also want them to show them I believe in them, which (I hope) will help them believe in themselves.
--RO
Friday, September 23, 2011
...aaaand I jinxed myself
I'm never saying I had a great day again. EVER.
Right after I submitted last night's blog entry, just as I was closing my computer and heading to bed, W asked me to come upstairs for a minute. I walk into Sylvie and Nina's room (they're roommates), and five girls are sitting in there (which, first of all, shouldn't even happen, because after 10:30 everyone is supposed to be in their own room). Sylvie and N (not Nina, a different one) are in a HUGE argument because N thinks Sylvie stole her phone, and she thinks it's in Sylvie's pink box. Sylvie doesn't want anyone to look in her pink box because she says it's her private stuff, and she's offended that N immediately targeted her as the thief. N says she didn't immediately target Sylvie, but if she did, she'd have good reason to (I've heard from multiple people that Sylvie has a history of lying and taking other people's things).
Anyway, I'm sitting there on Nina's bed and they're all looking at me (literally and figuratively) for a solution to this problem. And... I have no freaking idea what to do. Luckily, Caroline heard all the commotion and came downstaris at some point and took everything into her capable, experienced hands. I guess all that TCI/active listening training does come in handy sometimes.
So long story short, I was working an hour and a half after I was supposed to get off. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to get up at 6 am!!! So I got 4 hours of sleep. I know I'm mostly thinking about how the situation affected me. But that's because it was frusturating. Both the girls were mad and uncooperative even though Caroline and I were just trying to help. Also, I talked to Sylvie's grandma, who was mad, and N's mother, who was mad. I mean, people, there's only so much we can do. As Caroline said earlier, if I could wave a magic wand and make N's phone appear out of thin air, I would. But both Caroline and I have searched all the girls' rooms (I'm talking, underwear drawers and all) and found nothing. So at this point, we've done all we can. And at the end of the day... it's a phone. Don't get me wrong, I'd be upset if I lost my phone, but it's not like N lost a thousand dollars or something. And I say "lost" purposefully, because we have no evidence that anyone actually stole the phone. For all we know, it could be lost in some pocket in N's bookbag.
All I can say is, I can't wait until this weekend (which starts in 7 hours)!!! I'm going to Iowa City and Lucas is taking me apple picking :) So excited to go out of town and spend some time with Lucas.
--Rebecca
Right after I submitted last night's blog entry, just as I was closing my computer and heading to bed, W asked me to come upstairs for a minute. I walk into Sylvie and Nina's room (they're roommates), and five girls are sitting in there (which, first of all, shouldn't even happen, because after 10:30 everyone is supposed to be in their own room). Sylvie and N (not Nina, a different one) are in a HUGE argument because N thinks Sylvie stole her phone, and she thinks it's in Sylvie's pink box. Sylvie doesn't want anyone to look in her pink box because she says it's her private stuff, and she's offended that N immediately targeted her as the thief. N says she didn't immediately target Sylvie, but if she did, she'd have good reason to (I've heard from multiple people that Sylvie has a history of lying and taking other people's things).
Anyway, I'm sitting there on Nina's bed and they're all looking at me (literally and figuratively) for a solution to this problem. And... I have no freaking idea what to do. Luckily, Caroline heard all the commotion and came downstaris at some point and took everything into her capable, experienced hands. I guess all that TCI/active listening training does come in handy sometimes.
So long story short, I was working an hour and a half after I was supposed to get off. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to get up at 6 am!!! So I got 4 hours of sleep. I know I'm mostly thinking about how the situation affected me. But that's because it was frusturating. Both the girls were mad and uncooperative even though Caroline and I were just trying to help. Also, I talked to Sylvie's grandma, who was mad, and N's mother, who was mad. I mean, people, there's only so much we can do. As Caroline said earlier, if I could wave a magic wand and make N's phone appear out of thin air, I would. But both Caroline and I have searched all the girls' rooms (I'm talking, underwear drawers and all) and found nothing. So at this point, we've done all we can. And at the end of the day... it's a phone. Don't get me wrong, I'd be upset if I lost my phone, but it's not like N lost a thousand dollars or something. And I say "lost" purposefully, because we have no evidence that anyone actually stole the phone. For all we know, it could be lost in some pocket in N's bookbag.
All I can say is, I can't wait until this weekend (which starts in 7 hours)!!! I'm going to Iowa City and Lucas is taking me apple picking :) So excited to go out of town and spend some time with Lucas.
--Rebecca
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Great day!!
I LOVE today! I made Grandma Julian's classic dish, Saurbraten, and the girls loved it! Which makes sense since they love meat so much and it's basically just beef and noodles. There were zero leftovers and the girls wanted more! Also, I got my first compliment from a scholar (of the compliment envelopes). It's from Julia, who wrote, "Thanks 4 the yummy dinner Rebecca; It filled my tum tummy. Thanks your the best." (I just had to spell everything the way she spelled it because it's cuter that way. We do need to work on the your/you're distinction, though).
Anyway, the cherry on top of the cupcake is that the girls have been super quiet during study (even Nina)!
It's days like today that help me remember why I do this job. That's really all I have to say... no complaints here.
--Rebecca
P.S. Let me know if you have any meat-heavy recipes... I'd love to have them! :)
Anyway, the cherry on top of the cupcake is that the girls have been super quiet during study (even Nina)!
It's days like today that help me remember why I do this job. That's really all I have to say... no complaints here.
--Rebecca
P.S. Let me know if you have any meat-heavy recipes... I'd love to have them! :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
...and the drama begins
In a house full of 8 high school girls, drama is bound to happen. So far it's been pretty contained within the girls themselves, without me knowing much about it. But tonight, the you-know-what hit the fan.
It all started when Sylvie asked me to take her to Nina's volleyball game. We could only be there for literally 20 minutes in order to get back by family night festivities. (I'd agreed to take Sylvie before I knew we had to be back--I was kind of thinking we could go and stay until Nina was done--but once I found out we had to be back I didn't feel like putting up a fight with Sylvie.) Anyway, I figured there had to be a reason besides watching Nina that Sylvie wanted to go, since we could only be there 20 minutes. She told me she was meeting a friend she knew from the school (Sylvie's in high school now, but last year she went to the school that Nina goes to now). She also mentioned that Nina didn't like this friend, but I didn't think much of that at the time... famous last words.
At the game, I waved at Nina from the sidelines, but she just glared in the direction of me, Sylvie, and the friend. I assumed she was glaring because she'd mentioned before that doesn't like it when people watch her volleyball games. Sylvie and I left after the game had barely started.
When I came to pick Nina up after the game was over, I was pretty late. She climbed in the car and her body language told me she was upset. I apologized for being late. A few seconds later, I heard sniffles and could tell she was crying. I asked if she was okay, and if she wanted to talk about it, she said she was okay and didn't want to talk about it (flashback to 13-year-old me, who would have had the same answers when Mom came to pick me up after an upsetting tennis match). I gave it a few long, quiet minutes, then asked if she was upset about the game. No. About me being late to pick her up? No. Then she burst into a long, somewhat incomprehensible sentence--it had been a horrible day and the coach didn't put her in until the 3rd game but then she scored five points and they must have felt stupid after that, and she HATES that girl Sylive brought and that's the girl she was telling me about who threatened to beat her up, and she hated being picked up late because last time a strange man talked to her. In an attempt to dissect some of the sentence, I said again that I was sorry about being late and that it was my fault, and that she should talk to Sylvie about what happened.
Then, Nina called her mom and related some of what she'd just told me to her. She also mentioned--which I was happy to overhear because it seemed important--that this new school was too hard and she didn't think she could do it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Nina came into Sylvie's room and started throwing Sylvie's stuff around the room (according to Sylvie) and making passive aggressive comments. Sylvie was telling me that she didn't get why Sylvie was so upset about the situation. While I was talking to Sylvie about it, Nina came into the room. I asked the two of them if they wanted to talk about it, and they immediately started to have a conversation. I didn't even say much of anything because they were handling it so well. Sylvie could have tried a little harder to understand why Nina was upset, and Nina could have explained her point of view better, but in general they were both really mature about it. I was really proud of both of them. I think I did the right thing by not doing or saying much--by just being there in the room I think Iinfluenced the girls to have a more calm discussion.
You may have noticed that this is another long post that is mostly about Nina. I think there are two reasons I focus on her so often--first, because she seems to need the most help of all the girls at this point. She acts out, rebels, and is disrespectful to both houseparents and scholars far more often than any of our other scholars. Second, I understand and remember what she's going through. She's in a new house where she doesn't yet know the rules (so many rules), she doesn't know the people very well, and she's in a new and harder school. Being a 13-year-old is overwhelming and turbulent enough without all those changes on top of it. However, I have to remember that just because there are good reasons for her bad behavior doesn't mean I can hold her less accountable. I have to hold her to the same level of responsibility as the other scholars. The other houseparents are really good at that. I'm not as good at being firm, but I'm working on it.
--Rebecca
It all started when Sylvie asked me to take her to Nina's volleyball game. We could only be there for literally 20 minutes in order to get back by family night festivities. (I'd agreed to take Sylvie before I knew we had to be back--I was kind of thinking we could go and stay until Nina was done--but once I found out we had to be back I didn't feel like putting up a fight with Sylvie.) Anyway, I figured there had to be a reason besides watching Nina that Sylvie wanted to go, since we could only be there 20 minutes. She told me she was meeting a friend she knew from the school (Sylvie's in high school now, but last year she went to the school that Nina goes to now). She also mentioned that Nina didn't like this friend, but I didn't think much of that at the time... famous last words.
At the game, I waved at Nina from the sidelines, but she just glared in the direction of me, Sylvie, and the friend. I assumed she was glaring because she'd mentioned before that doesn't like it when people watch her volleyball games. Sylvie and I left after the game had barely started.
When I came to pick Nina up after the game was over, I was pretty late. She climbed in the car and her body language told me she was upset. I apologized for being late. A few seconds later, I heard sniffles and could tell she was crying. I asked if she was okay, and if she wanted to talk about it, she said she was okay and didn't want to talk about it (flashback to 13-year-old me, who would have had the same answers when Mom came to pick me up after an upsetting tennis match). I gave it a few long, quiet minutes, then asked if she was upset about the game. No. About me being late to pick her up? No. Then she burst into a long, somewhat incomprehensible sentence--it had been a horrible day and the coach didn't put her in until the 3rd game but then she scored five points and they must have felt stupid after that, and she HATES that girl Sylive brought and that's the girl she was telling me about who threatened to beat her up, and she hated being picked up late because last time a strange man talked to her. In an attempt to dissect some of the sentence, I said again that I was sorry about being late and that it was my fault, and that she should talk to Sylvie about what happened.
Then, Nina called her mom and related some of what she'd just told me to her. She also mentioned--which I was happy to overhear because it seemed important--that this new school was too hard and she didn't think she could do it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Nina came into Sylvie's room and started throwing Sylvie's stuff around the room (according to Sylvie) and making passive aggressive comments. Sylvie was telling me that she didn't get why Sylvie was so upset about the situation. While I was talking to Sylvie about it, Nina came into the room. I asked the two of them if they wanted to talk about it, and they immediately started to have a conversation. I didn't even say much of anything because they were handling it so well. Sylvie could have tried a little harder to understand why Nina was upset, and Nina could have explained her point of view better, but in general they were both really mature about it. I was really proud of both of them. I think I did the right thing by not doing or saying much--by just being there in the room I think Iinfluenced the girls to have a more calm discussion.
You may have noticed that this is another long post that is mostly about Nina. I think there are two reasons I focus on her so often--first, because she seems to need the most help of all the girls at this point. She acts out, rebels, and is disrespectful to both houseparents and scholars far more often than any of our other scholars. Second, I understand and remember what she's going through. She's in a new house where she doesn't yet know the rules (so many rules), she doesn't know the people very well, and she's in a new and harder school. Being a 13-year-old is overwhelming and turbulent enough without all those changes on top of it. However, I have to remember that just because there are good reasons for her bad behavior doesn't mean I can hold her less accountable. I have to hold her to the same level of responsibility as the other scholars. The other houseparents are really good at that. I'm not as good at being firm, but I'm working on it.
--Rebecca
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Houseparents
I'd like to spend some time paying tribute to the other houseparents. They are such amazing women and I feel like I'm learning so much from each of them. They probably wouldn't care if I used their real names, but I still feel weird about doing so without asking... so once again, the names are changed.
Caroline- Caroline has made me feel welcome in the house since the moment I set foot in the door. I feel like we have a lot in common--we're both English majors, I want to be a teacher and she was a high school English teacher before coming to Organization X. She has a positive outlook and tends to make jokes when she is stressed, as do I. Like me, she's interested in crafts and dorky obscure academic stuff, like literary theorists. I feel the most relaxed around her of any of the houseparents, so she's usually the one I go to first with questions, concerns, complaints, or if I just want to vent. I love working with her.
Maya- I think the best way to describe Maya is that she is a straight-shooter. The minute she senses that I've handled a situation poorly, she comes to me to discuss it--sometimes, she even has preemptive discussions with me because she realizes that I'm new and don't know the protocol that comes naturally to the other houseparents. Maya's direct-ness, for lack of a better word, has caught me off guard and even hurt my feelings a couple of times. At the same time, I love Maya's style because I know that everything she's thinking, she's saying to my face, rather than stewing about it or going behind my back. This level of honesty is something that I personally been working on for a while, both for work situations and in my personal life. I feel like I'm learning the most from Maya not only because she's a good role model for me in this way, but also because her honesty has helped me understand how the house works more quickly.
Cris- First, just to clarify, I should say that Cris is the lead houseparent, so technically the rest of us answer to her, even though the other 3 houseparents are pretty equal when it comes to decision-making. I was really intimidated by Cris when I first met her. If we're being honest, I still am. Sometimes Cris can come off as critical and sarcastic. She is particular about the way things are done, down to the smallest detail. But it's only because she's so particular that our house runs so smoothly. Cris is very good at her job, not only because she's detail-oriented, but also because she also holds the scholars accountable. Several of the girls have told me that they don't like Cris, but I know that that's because she is on top of them to get shit done. In the long run, they're going to be better off and learn more from her because of that. Every so often, Cris surprises me. When talking about anything other than work, she lightens up and has a great sense of humor. Also, within my first week here, she opened up to me about her personal life, and she has been through a LOT of shit in the past few years... even the past few months. I think this has a great deal to do with her attitude and her stress level--between work and her tumultous personal life, she's dealing with a lot. I really want to get to know her better because I think she's an amazing person.
Again, I'd just like to say that I think all three of my houseparents are great at what they do. They work well together as a team and are actively communicative with one another. They push me to be my best, and they make me really happy and proud to be a part of this house. I kind of feel like an outsider, but already that's starting to change...!
--Rebecca
Caroline- Caroline has made me feel welcome in the house since the moment I set foot in the door. I feel like we have a lot in common--we're both English majors, I want to be a teacher and she was a high school English teacher before coming to Organization X. She has a positive outlook and tends to make jokes when she is stressed, as do I. Like me, she's interested in crafts and dorky obscure academic stuff, like literary theorists. I feel the most relaxed around her of any of the houseparents, so she's usually the one I go to first with questions, concerns, complaints, or if I just want to vent. I love working with her.
Maya- I think the best way to describe Maya is that she is a straight-shooter. The minute she senses that I've handled a situation poorly, she comes to me to discuss it--sometimes, she even has preemptive discussions with me because she realizes that I'm new and don't know the protocol that comes naturally to the other houseparents. Maya's direct-ness, for lack of a better word, has caught me off guard and even hurt my feelings a couple of times. At the same time, I love Maya's style because I know that everything she's thinking, she's saying to my face, rather than stewing about it or going behind my back. This level of honesty is something that I personally been working on for a while, both for work situations and in my personal life. I feel like I'm learning the most from Maya not only because she's a good role model for me in this way, but also because her honesty has helped me understand how the house works more quickly.
Cris- First, just to clarify, I should say that Cris is the lead houseparent, so technically the rest of us answer to her, even though the other 3 houseparents are pretty equal when it comes to decision-making. I was really intimidated by Cris when I first met her. If we're being honest, I still am. Sometimes Cris can come off as critical and sarcastic. She is particular about the way things are done, down to the smallest detail. But it's only because she's so particular that our house runs so smoothly. Cris is very good at her job, not only because she's detail-oriented, but also because she also holds the scholars accountable. Several of the girls have told me that they don't like Cris, but I know that that's because she is on top of them to get shit done. In the long run, they're going to be better off and learn more from her because of that. Every so often, Cris surprises me. When talking about anything other than work, she lightens up and has a great sense of humor. Also, within my first week here, she opened up to me about her personal life, and she has been through a LOT of shit in the past few years... even the past few months. I think this has a great deal to do with her attitude and her stress level--between work and her tumultous personal life, she's dealing with a lot. I really want to get to know her better because I think she's an amazing person.
Again, I'd just like to say that I think all three of my houseparents are great at what they do. They work well together as a team and are actively communicative with one another. They push me to be my best, and they make me really happy and proud to be a part of this house. I kind of feel like an outsider, but already that's starting to change...!
--Rebecca
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Bad/Good
Too tired to think of a clever way to do this.
BAD
-The morning before the girls took the ACT, I made them sausage patties. They were gray when coming out of the freezer and very greasy when cooked. They seemed pretty disgusting to me, but the girls love any kind of meat, so I followed what it said to do on the package. After I drove home and parked the car, I got out and saw a patty with ONE bite taken out of it laying on the ground. I mean, come on. At LEAST have the decency to put it in the trash so that I don't see it.
-Today, I called Michelle* "Melissa*" (another scholar's name) by accident. She seemed offended and said she's never once heard me call her the right name. I felt like crap.
-On the way to the college fair, one of the boys from the boys' house made a rude comment towards me and two of my girls laughed. I should have called him out but I chickened out. The girls NEVER would have laughed a) if one of the girls had said that, rather than a scholar from the boys' house, or b) if it had been another houseparent. So that was frusturating, particularly because I didn't stand up for myself. Sometimes in those moments when scholars are disrespectful to me (which are few and far between but they do happen), I'm caught off guard and rather than responding, I just shut down.
GOOD
-Sylvie helped me put together some stuff for the Organization X dinner with the CEO tonight, which was really sweet. She also helped me do house laundry over the weekend (even though she didn't have to).
-Had a good conversation with Gloria* about musicals/acting. It was nice to see her being excited and passionate about something (instead of whining, as per usual).
-Got a very complimentary e-mail about Nelly* from her teacher, saying that she is one of her best students. I wasn't surprised, because I already knew Nelly is an awesome student, but it made me happy to see that her teacher noticed.
-The college fair was helpful. I got a lot of great pamphlets/materials for the girls and for my bullitan board. I also had some interesting conversations with the various college admissions people who were there. It was kind of nice to talk to adults, for once. I felt very adult (despite getting mistaken for a high school student multiple times, no surprise there), which was strange, but fun.
-Generally, I'm connecting with most of the scholars. I feel most comfortable around Nelly, Nina and Julia*. Melissa seems a little TOO comfortable around me (as in, wanting to discuss inappropriate topics like drinking and how much she hates my boss, who I also hate but can't really undermine) so I need set boundaries. The rest I could get to know a little better, which will come with time, I think.
Thanks to everyone for reading this and being so supportive. Having so many amazing people to cherish in my life keeps me going during the bad moments, and I LOVE sharing the good moments with all of you, work-related or otherwise.
--Rebecca
BAD
-The morning before the girls took the ACT, I made them sausage patties. They were gray when coming out of the freezer and very greasy when cooked. They seemed pretty disgusting to me, but the girls love any kind of meat, so I followed what it said to do on the package. After I drove home and parked the car, I got out and saw a patty with ONE bite taken out of it laying on the ground. I mean, come on. At LEAST have the decency to put it in the trash so that I don't see it.
-Today, I called Michelle* "Melissa*" (another scholar's name) by accident. She seemed offended and said she's never once heard me call her the right name. I felt like crap.
-On the way to the college fair, one of the boys from the boys' house made a rude comment towards me and two of my girls laughed. I should have called him out but I chickened out. The girls NEVER would have laughed a) if one of the girls had said that, rather than a scholar from the boys' house, or b) if it had been another houseparent. So that was frusturating, particularly because I didn't stand up for myself. Sometimes in those moments when scholars are disrespectful to me (which are few and far between but they do happen), I'm caught off guard and rather than responding, I just shut down.
GOOD
-Sylvie helped me put together some stuff for the Organization X dinner with the CEO tonight, which was really sweet. She also helped me do house laundry over the weekend (even though she didn't have to).
-Had a good conversation with Gloria* about musicals/acting. It was nice to see her being excited and passionate about something (instead of whining, as per usual).
-Got a very complimentary e-mail about Nelly* from her teacher, saying that she is one of her best students. I wasn't surprised, because I already knew Nelly is an awesome student, but it made me happy to see that her teacher noticed.
-The college fair was helpful. I got a lot of great pamphlets/materials for the girls and for my bullitan board. I also had some interesting conversations with the various college admissions people who were there. It was kind of nice to talk to adults, for once. I felt very adult (despite getting mistaken for a high school student multiple times, no surprise there), which was strange, but fun.
-Generally, I'm connecting with most of the scholars. I feel most comfortable around Nelly, Nina and Julia*. Melissa seems a little TOO comfortable around me (as in, wanting to discuss inappropriate topics like drinking and how much she hates my boss, who I also hate but can't really undermine) so I need set boundaries. The rest I could get to know a little better, which will come with time, I think.
Thanks to everyone for reading this and being so supportive. Having so many amazing people to cherish in my life keeps me going during the bad moments, and I LOVE sharing the good moments with all of you, work-related or otherwise.
--Rebecca
Friday, September 9, 2011
Indie Music
A week or so back, one of the scholars, Sylvie*, asked me what type of music I listen to. I hate not giving an answer to that question, or saying "anything but country," so I said "indie music." It's a pretty broad genere so I figured it covered a lot. Sylvie was like, "India music?" She'd never heard of it. Most of the girls listen to Top 40 and rap, although some of them enjoy oldies, soul and bluesy stuff.
Anyway, today Sylvie asked me to play her an indie music song. I figured she wouldn't like anything slow and sad, so I youtubed the first thing that came to mind, which was Ratatat's "Wildcat." Sylvie and Julia* began to dance around wildly--I particularly liked when Julia got down on her knees like she was playing a guitar solo. After a bit Sylvie said, "There aren't any words?" I've heard the song so many times that I'd kind of forgotten about that part. Then Sylvie asked me if my friends and I danced to this type of music. I told her that yeah, in college I occasionally went to parties where they played that kind of music. She laughed and asked how we danced to it, and then immediately went into what turned out to be a pretty close imitation of an average Earlham student--one arm in the air, sort of bouncing up and down. It was hilarious.
Once the song was over, Sylvie said, "Let me show you some of our music." She youtubed "the wobble," which I'd never heard of. It's a song and a line dance. She and Julia were trying to teach me... it was pretty hard! I could get the hands but the feet were kind of confusing. It was fun though, kind of like Zumba! Just as I was starting to get it though, I had to leave.
So yeah, today was fun. Also, a few of the scholars noticed me watching RuPaul's Drag Race and we watched an episode together. I was excited to show them my latest obsession, and can't wait to learn more about theirs'.
Wildcat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKniXABsUeE
The wobble: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CK665cgZfk&feature=related
--Rebecca
Anyway, today Sylvie asked me to play her an indie music song. I figured she wouldn't like anything slow and sad, so I youtubed the first thing that came to mind, which was Ratatat's "Wildcat." Sylvie and Julia* began to dance around wildly--I particularly liked when Julia got down on her knees like she was playing a guitar solo. After a bit Sylvie said, "There aren't any words?" I've heard the song so many times that I'd kind of forgotten about that part. Then Sylvie asked me if my friends and I danced to this type of music. I told her that yeah, in college I occasionally went to parties where they played that kind of music. She laughed and asked how we danced to it, and then immediately went into what turned out to be a pretty close imitation of an average Earlham student--one arm in the air, sort of bouncing up and down. It was hilarious.
Once the song was over, Sylvie said, "Let me show you some of our music." She youtubed "the wobble," which I'd never heard of. It's a song and a line dance. She and Julia were trying to teach me... it was pretty hard! I could get the hands but the feet were kind of confusing. It was fun though, kind of like Zumba! Just as I was starting to get it though, I had to leave.
So yeah, today was fun. Also, a few of the scholars noticed me watching RuPaul's Drag Race and we watched an episode together. I was excited to show them my latest obsession, and can't wait to learn more about theirs'.
Wildcat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKniXABsUeE
The wobble: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CK665cgZfk&feature=related
--Rebecca
Thursday, September 8, 2011
"Girlfight" Part II: The Baffling Resolution
So this a continuation of the story from yesterday. Here's a recap: Nina told me that a girl in school had threatened to beat her up and had gotten into several fights in the past.
Today, I had my weekly meeting with my bosses (we call them "the office"). These meetings are usually tense and set the whole day off on the wrong foot. This one was no different. Nothing specifically bad happened, it was just awkward and weird. Immediately after that meeting, I had another meeting with one of my bosses, who I'll call Ms. Graw.
Ms. Graw asked me if I'd been having any problems or worries concerning specific scholars. So, I talked about Nina and let Ms. Graw know that I was worried about her transition here. I eased into the stories Nina told about getting into fights. Ms. Graw just started to laugh. She told me that Nina had never been in any fights at her old school (which I figured she would know since they all get a history on the girls). I was pretty embarrassed because I had totally believed Nina, aside from considering that she may have been exaggerating... We speculated that maybe Nina made up the stories to impress me or seem "tough" to make up for her status as the youngest scholar in the house. At the end of the meeting, Ms. Graw said I should tell the other houseparents so that we would all be on the same page about Nina making up stories.
So. I come home. Tell the other houseparents. And they tell me that Nina is Ms. Graw's NIECE!!!!!! WHY did no one think to mention this to me before??? I guess it was okay because Ms. Graw thought the story was funny, but we spent most of the session talking about Nina even though I had no idea she was related to her!! But it makes sense looking back on the meetings... for instance, Nina is the only girl who goes to the middle school while the rest go to the high school. I was planning on visiting Nina's school to help with homework, etc. once a month, since she's 1 out of the 8 girls, but Ms. Shaw said I should go twice a month instead. Maybe a little nepotism there...?
Anyway. I feel dumb for believing a bunch of stuff a 13-year-old told me. But if anything, this just further emphasizes my points about being priveliged and sheltered. I have no idea what goes on in schools on the South side of Chicago... 8th graders getting into fistfights? Why not? Who knows? Obviously not me... but I'm learning.
--Rebecca
Today, I had my weekly meeting with my bosses (we call them "the office"). These meetings are usually tense and set the whole day off on the wrong foot. This one was no different. Nothing specifically bad happened, it was just awkward and weird. Immediately after that meeting, I had another meeting with one of my bosses, who I'll call Ms. Graw.
Ms. Graw asked me if I'd been having any problems or worries concerning specific scholars. So, I talked about Nina and let Ms. Graw know that I was worried about her transition here. I eased into the stories Nina told about getting into fights. Ms. Graw just started to laugh. She told me that Nina had never been in any fights at her old school (which I figured she would know since they all get a history on the girls). I was pretty embarrassed because I had totally believed Nina, aside from considering that she may have been exaggerating... We speculated that maybe Nina made up the stories to impress me or seem "tough" to make up for her status as the youngest scholar in the house. At the end of the meeting, Ms. Graw said I should tell the other houseparents so that we would all be on the same page about Nina making up stories.
So. I come home. Tell the other houseparents. And they tell me that Nina is Ms. Graw's NIECE!!!!!! WHY did no one think to mention this to me before??? I guess it was okay because Ms. Graw thought the story was funny, but we spent most of the session talking about Nina even though I had no idea she was related to her!! But it makes sense looking back on the meetings... for instance, Nina is the only girl who goes to the middle school while the rest go to the high school. I was planning on visiting Nina's school to help with homework, etc. once a month, since she's 1 out of the 8 girls, but Ms. Shaw said I should go twice a month instead. Maybe a little nepotism there...?
Anyway. I feel dumb for believing a bunch of stuff a 13-year-old told me. But if anything, this just further emphasizes my points about being priveliged and sheltered. I have no idea what goes on in schools on the South side of Chicago... 8th graders getting into fistfights? Why not? Who knows? Obviously not me... but I'm learning.
--Rebecca
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
It's about to be a what...? Girlfight
A LOT of stuff happened today that I want to talk about. First, I had a really long conversation with the youngest scholar, Nina*, who's in 8th grade. She started talking to me in the living room and we kept talking in the car, all the way to her volleyball game. Mostly we talked about school and volleyball and shopping, but then the conversation turned to more important things. She asked me if I liked working at Organization X, and I told her I did like it, a lot. I asked her if she liked it and she said, sometimes, but added that she got tired of seeing the same people all day. I liked that answer--it was honest, and it makes sense after coming from a home where it's just her and 2 baby sisters (something else I learned in that conversation).
So then Nina began telling me about a girl at her new private school who threatened to beat her up. Apparently Nina had confronted her and told her to go ahead and punch her, and the girl quickly backed off. I HAD to wonder if this conflict had something to do with race after seeing part of Nina's volleyball game today... she was the only girl of color in the entire room. But maybe not, because Nina also said she'd gotten into a few fights at her old school (which I'm assuming, perhaps falsely, was primarily black), including one with a female high school junior. Nina did have a sense of pride about the fights she'd gotten in, which made me wonder if her stories were exaggerated.
Regardless, I didn't know how to react. Nina even told me her mother had told her that it was okay if she got into fights, as long as she didn't lose. I was really shocked by the whole conversation. I've never even seen a physical fight, let alone been in one. Nina is in 8th grade and she's been in several. I just told Nina that using words is a smarter, more effective way to deal with conflict.
And the thing is, Nina is a really smart girl. She isn't afraid to speak her mind or protest when she feels something is unfair, which drives us houseparents crazy, but is also an admirable quality to have, in my mind. I'm happy that she stands up for herself. I just don't want her to take that ability to defend herself to a physical level. I have a feeling her new school wouldn't stand for that the way her old school might have. Besides, she needs to learn that there are better ways to handle problems.
The whole conversation served as a reminder of my privelige and how sheltered I've been throughout my life. This is one job in which it's easy to forget that. Sure, a lot of these girls are originally from poor families and neighborhoods, but now they live in Evanston, and in many ways have been assimilated into their new environment (fancy dan schools with pampered white people, which I'm discovering are very similar to the schools I went to growing up). The scholars tend to keep their lives at Organization X pretty seperate from their home lives, as far as I can tell. It's conversations like the one with Nina today that remind me that these girls are "outsiders within." ("Outsiders" meaning their race, class, and other disadvantages leaves them "outside" of privelige, and "within" meaning the program gives them some advantages, helping them come into some of the priveliges that they deserve).
--Rebecca
So then Nina began telling me about a girl at her new private school who threatened to beat her up. Apparently Nina had confronted her and told her to go ahead and punch her, and the girl quickly backed off. I HAD to wonder if this conflict had something to do with race after seeing part of Nina's volleyball game today... she was the only girl of color in the entire room. But maybe not, because Nina also said she'd gotten into a few fights at her old school (which I'm assuming, perhaps falsely, was primarily black), including one with a female high school junior. Nina did have a sense of pride about the fights she'd gotten in, which made me wonder if her stories were exaggerated.
Regardless, I didn't know how to react. Nina even told me her mother had told her that it was okay if she got into fights, as long as she didn't lose. I was really shocked by the whole conversation. I've never even seen a physical fight, let alone been in one. Nina is in 8th grade and she's been in several. I just told Nina that using words is a smarter, more effective way to deal with conflict.
And the thing is, Nina is a really smart girl. She isn't afraid to speak her mind or protest when she feels something is unfair, which drives us houseparents crazy, but is also an admirable quality to have, in my mind. I'm happy that she stands up for herself. I just don't want her to take that ability to defend herself to a physical level. I have a feeling her new school wouldn't stand for that the way her old school might have. Besides, she needs to learn that there are better ways to handle problems.
The whole conversation served as a reminder of my privelige and how sheltered I've been throughout my life. This is one job in which it's easy to forget that. Sure, a lot of these girls are originally from poor families and neighborhoods, but now they live in Evanston, and in many ways have been assimilated into their new environment (fancy dan schools with pampered white people, which I'm discovering are very similar to the schools I went to growing up). The scholars tend to keep their lives at Organization X pretty seperate from their home lives, as far as I can tell. It's conversations like the one with Nina today that remind me that these girls are "outsiders within." ("Outsiders" meaning their race, class, and other disadvantages leaves them "outside" of privelige, and "within" meaning the program gives them some advantages, helping them come into some of the priveliges that they deserve).
--Rebecca
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Frequently Asked Questions
When I describe my job as an ASC to people, they often don't "get" it. Here are some FAQ's and their answers... or at least, the ones I know:
Q: "Are you part of AmeriCorps?"
A: No. I found Organization X through the AmeriCorps website, and originally applied as an AmeriCorps volunteer. But because the government cut funding from this AmeriCorps job through this particular organization, the position is no longer affiliated with AmeriCorps as of this year. However, I recieve nearly the same (slightly smaller) education award, and I perform all the same tasks as last year's AmeriCorps volunteer ASC.
Q: "Do you work with kids who are 'on the cusp'?"
A: A lady asked me this, verbatim, when I took the girls to a community service project at a food pantry. It was very awkward not only because of how she phrased it, but also because she was only addressing me while one of the girls was standing right next to me. When people (particularly white people) see a program that serves 8 black girls, they often jump to false conclusions. These kids are not here because they have behavioral issues (they don't). They are accepted into Organization X because of their academic potential. They are smart and motivated. Most of them are in the program because growing up, they didn't have the resources or stability to go as far as they have the potential to.
Q: "Why do you live with teenagers?"
A: The main goal of Organization X is to improve the scholars' education, but it also emphasizes the development of the whole person (a very Jesuit sentiment). We live with teenagers so that we can create an environment that will help them learn how to take responsibility for themselves, as well as value community. They have chores every day, study from 7-9 most days, and family dinners every night. The structure helps them stay focused, calm and happy (which makes it sound like a cult... but it's good for them!). The newer scholars are definitely resistant to the strict schedule, but the ones who have been in the program for a few years appreciate it.
Q: "I would hate working with teenagers."
A: Ok this isn't a question, but it's definitely something people tell me frequently! Teenagers can be frusturating, but so can any age group. One reason I like working with teenagers is because I can reason with them. Also, teenagers (at least these teenagers, especially the older ones) realize that I am an actual person with needs, not just someone who is there to serve them. In certain ways, we can relate to each other as adults. I'd take that over a crying baby any day of the week. Although, even as I type this, I have an ominious feeling that teenagers and crying babies are not actually as different from one other as I think...
Got any other questions? Let me know, I'd be happy to answer them.
--Rebecca
Q: "Are you part of AmeriCorps?"
A: No. I found Organization X through the AmeriCorps website, and originally applied as an AmeriCorps volunteer. But because the government cut funding from this AmeriCorps job through this particular organization, the position is no longer affiliated with AmeriCorps as of this year. However, I recieve nearly the same (slightly smaller) education award, and I perform all the same tasks as last year's AmeriCorps volunteer ASC.
Q: "Do you work with kids who are 'on the cusp'?"
A: A lady asked me this, verbatim, when I took the girls to a community service project at a food pantry. It was very awkward not only because of how she phrased it, but also because she was only addressing me while one of the girls was standing right next to me. When people (particularly white people) see a program that serves 8 black girls, they often jump to false conclusions. These kids are not here because they have behavioral issues (they don't). They are accepted into Organization X because of their academic potential. They are smart and motivated. Most of them are in the program because growing up, they didn't have the resources or stability to go as far as they have the potential to.
Q: "Why do you live with teenagers?"
A: The main goal of Organization X is to improve the scholars' education, but it also emphasizes the development of the whole person (a very Jesuit sentiment). We live with teenagers so that we can create an environment that will help them learn how to take responsibility for themselves, as well as value community. They have chores every day, study from 7-9 most days, and family dinners every night. The structure helps them stay focused, calm and happy (which makes it sound like a cult... but it's good for them!). The newer scholars are definitely resistant to the strict schedule, but the ones who have been in the program for a few years appreciate it.
Q: "I would hate working with teenagers."
A: Ok this isn't a question, but it's definitely something people tell me frequently! Teenagers can be frusturating, but so can any age group. One reason I like working with teenagers is because I can reason with them. Also, teenagers (at least these teenagers, especially the older ones) realize that I am an actual person with needs, not just someone who is there to serve them. In certain ways, we can relate to each other as adults. I'd take that over a crying baby any day of the week. Although, even as I type this, I have an ominious feeling that teenagers and crying babies are not actually as different from one other as I think...
Got any other questions? Let me know, I'd be happy to answer them.
--Rebecca
Monday, August 29, 2011
On the 1st Day as an ASC...
So when you graduate from a liberal arts school with a B.A. in English lit and want to save the world but have no idea where to start... what do you do?
Answer: If you're me, you move in with 8 ("underpriveliged"? "at risk"? "in-need"? "underserviced"? you decide) teenage girls in a rich suburb of Illinois.
I joined this non-for-profit organization, which I will call Organization X, as a "Volunteer Academic Success Coordinator." I would have written that in the blog title, rather than the crude "Unpaid ASC," but it didn't fit in the space. I don't blame the space... it's a pretty lofty title for a 22-year-old kid fresh out of college who now spends 75% of her time confiscating cell phones and driving teenagers to play practice.
After nearly a month of training everywhere from Nebraska to my own backyard, I started my first official week at Organization X last week.
I don't know about you, but Christmas carols get stuck in my head all. year. round. So I put together a little carol to summerize my first week at Organization X. I'll spare both of us the pain of typing the whole thing out and skip to the last verse:
On the 12th day as an ASC, my true love gave to me,
12 Illinois employees, 11+ hours of TCI*
10 dollars in my account**, 9 drafts of the schedule,
8 awesome scholars, 7 of them whining, 6 pieces of mail,
5 books on backorder! an occasional 4-day weekend,
3 envelope compliments***, 2 parking tickets****,
and a house meeting on my day off!
*TCI stands for Theraputic Crisis Intervention training. And man is it boring... except for the mildly entertaining, horrible acting in the videos.
**Ok ten dollars might be a little hyperbolic. I'm really worried about money, is my point. And yet I keep spending it...
***Each scholar and staff member has an envelope with her name on it and we give each other written compliments. I try to give at least one a day. It's a great pick-me up.
****Yes I have really gotten 2 parking tickets within a week of each other. Driving here has been a problem for me. Toto, we're not in Indianapolis anymore...
By the way, I didn't mean for this post to be completely sardonic. I of course have some frusturations with my job, but I'm glad I'm here. I love the scholars, and my co-workers are great. It feels like I'm supposed to be here.
--Rebecca
Answer: If you're me, you move in with 8 ("underpriveliged"? "at risk"? "in-need"? "underserviced"? you decide) teenage girls in a rich suburb of Illinois.
I joined this non-for-profit organization, which I will call Organization X, as a "Volunteer Academic Success Coordinator." I would have written that in the blog title, rather than the crude "Unpaid ASC," but it didn't fit in the space. I don't blame the space... it's a pretty lofty title for a 22-year-old kid fresh out of college who now spends 75% of her time confiscating cell phones and driving teenagers to play practice.
After nearly a month of training everywhere from Nebraska to my own backyard, I started my first official week at Organization X last week.
I don't know about you, but Christmas carols get stuck in my head all. year. round. So I put together a little carol to summerize my first week at Organization X. I'll spare both of us the pain of typing the whole thing out and skip to the last verse:
On the 12th day as an ASC, my true love gave to me,
12 Illinois employees, 11+ hours of TCI*
10 dollars in my account**, 9 drafts of the schedule,
8 awesome scholars, 7 of them whining, 6 pieces of mail,
5 books on backorder! an occasional 4-day weekend,
3 envelope compliments***, 2 parking tickets****,
and a house meeting on my day off!
*TCI stands for Theraputic Crisis Intervention training. And man is it boring... except for the mildly entertaining, horrible acting in the videos.
**Ok ten dollars might be a little hyperbolic. I'm really worried about money, is my point. And yet I keep spending it...
***Each scholar and staff member has an envelope with her name on it and we give each other written compliments. I try to give at least one a day. It's a great pick-me up.
****Yes I have really gotten 2 parking tickets within a week of each other. Driving here has been a problem for me. Toto, we're not in Indianapolis anymore...
By the way, I didn't mean for this post to be completely sardonic. I of course have some frusturations with my job, but I'm glad I'm here. I love the scholars, and my co-workers are great. It feels like I'm supposed to be here.
--Rebecca
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