Firsts and Realizations

Firsts:

-Speeding ticket. So embarassing and expensive.

-Credit card bill that I paid all by myself! Well, after a 20-minute Q&A session with Dad...

-Time I have ever attempted to freestyle rap. Emphasis on attempted.

Realizations:

One of the things I realized recently is that I do not take criticism well. And at this job, it comes at me from all angles: the girls criticize my cooking, my houseparents criticize me for not being confident enough in my role as a leader, and the office criticizes me for, frankly, some really stupid stuff. For example, the other day Ms. Graw said someone from the school (absolutely no indication as to whom) thought something I wore to school was inappropriate (no information as to what the item of clothing was). Please note that during this conversation, I was wearing dress pants and a turtleneck. Just saying.

Anyway, I'm trying to see everyone's criticism as constructive, and not take it so personally. I think I've already developed a thicker skin. I just keep in mind that I am a good person, and that everybody makes mistakes, even if they're working really hard.

Which brings me to the second thing I learned about myself recently: I am a perfectionist. I set extremely high expectations for myself at this job, largely because I hate letting anyone down, ever. Here's the problem: I am not very detail-oriented. And--this may come as a shock to you--I'm a little spacey. The result of this unlikely combination is, I end up making a lot of small mistakes and being really hard on myself for making them. Not the ideal setup. But again, I remember that I am a good person, I'm working hard, and I'm gonna make mistakes. That's just how it is.

Is giving myself these little pep talks helping? Not really. But venting to Lucas (and, now, to whoever's reading this), is definitely helping. So I'm gonna stick with that.


--Rebecca