A LOT of stuff happened today that I want to talk about. First, I had a really long conversation with the youngest scholar, Nina*, who's in 8th grade. She started talking to me in the living room and we kept talking in the car, all the way to her volleyball game. Mostly we talked about school and volleyball and shopping, but then the conversation turned to more important things. She asked me if I liked working at Organization X, and I told her I did like it, a lot. I asked her if she liked it and she said, sometimes, but added that she got tired of seeing the same people all day. I liked that answer--it was honest, and it makes sense after coming from a home where it's just her and 2 baby sisters (something else I learned in that conversation).
So then Nina began telling me about a girl at her new private school who threatened to beat her up. Apparently Nina had confronted her and told her to go ahead and punch her, and the girl quickly backed off. I HAD to wonder if this conflict had something to do with race after seeing part of Nina's volleyball game today... she was the only girl of color in the entire room. But maybe not, because Nina also said she'd gotten into a few fights at her old school (which I'm assuming, perhaps falsely, was primarily black), including one with a female high school junior. Nina did have a sense of pride about the fights she'd gotten in, which made me wonder if her stories were exaggerated.
Regardless, I didn't know how to react. Nina even told me her mother had told her that it was okay if she got into fights, as long as she didn't lose. I was really shocked by the whole conversation. I've never even seen a physical fight, let alone been in one. Nina is in 8th grade and she's been in several. I just told Nina that using words is a smarter, more effective way to deal with conflict.
And the thing is, Nina is a really smart girl. She isn't afraid to speak her mind or protest when she feels something is unfair, which drives us houseparents crazy, but is also an admirable quality to have, in my mind. I'm happy that she stands up for herself. I just don't want her to take that ability to defend herself to a physical level. I have a feeling her new school wouldn't stand for that the way her old school might have. Besides, she needs to learn that there are better ways to handle problems.
The whole conversation served as a reminder of my privelige and how sheltered I've been throughout my life. This is one job in which it's easy to forget that. Sure, a lot of these girls are originally from poor families and neighborhoods, but now they live in Evanston, and in many ways have been assimilated into their new environment (fancy dan schools with pampered white people, which I'm discovering are very similar to the schools I went to growing up). The scholars tend to keep their lives at Organization X pretty seperate from their home lives, as far as I can tell. It's conversations like the one with Nina today that remind me that these girls are "outsiders within." ("Outsiders" meaning their race, class, and other disadvantages leaves them "outside" of privelige, and "within" meaning the program gives them some advantages, helping them come into some of the priveliges that they deserve).
--Rebecca
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