In a house full of 8 high school girls, drama is bound to happen. So far it's been pretty contained within the girls themselves, without me knowing much about it. But tonight, the you-know-what hit the fan.
It all started when Sylvie asked me to take her to Nina's volleyball game. We could only be there for literally 20 minutes in order to get back by family night festivities. (I'd agreed to take Sylvie before I knew we had to be back--I was kind of thinking we could go and stay until Nina was done--but once I found out we had to be back I didn't feel like putting up a fight with Sylvie.) Anyway, I figured there had to be a reason besides watching Nina that Sylvie wanted to go, since we could only be there 20 minutes. She told me she was meeting a friend she knew from the school (Sylvie's in high school now, but last year she went to the school that Nina goes to now). She also mentioned that Nina didn't like this friend, but I didn't think much of that at the time... famous last words.
At the game, I waved at Nina from the sidelines, but she just glared in the direction of me, Sylvie, and the friend. I assumed she was glaring because she'd mentioned before that doesn't like it when people watch her volleyball games. Sylvie and I left after the game had barely started.
When I came to pick Nina up after the game was over, I was pretty late. She climbed in the car and her body language told me she was upset. I apologized for being late. A few seconds later, I heard sniffles and could tell she was crying. I asked if she was okay, and if she wanted to talk about it, she said she was okay and didn't want to talk about it (flashback to 13-year-old me, who would have had the same answers when Mom came to pick me up after an upsetting tennis match). I gave it a few long, quiet minutes, then asked if she was upset about the game. No. About me being late to pick her up? No. Then she burst into a long, somewhat incomprehensible sentence--it had been a horrible day and the coach didn't put her in until the 3rd game but then she scored five points and they must have felt stupid after that, and she HATES that girl Sylive brought and that's the girl she was telling me about who threatened to beat her up, and she hated being picked up late because last time a strange man talked to her. In an attempt to dissect some of the sentence, I said again that I was sorry about being late and that it was my fault, and that she should talk to Sylvie about what happened.
Then, Nina called her mom and related some of what she'd just told me to her. She also mentioned--which I was happy to overhear because it seemed important--that this new school was too hard and she didn't think she could do it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Nina came into Sylvie's room and started throwing Sylvie's stuff around the room (according to Sylvie) and making passive aggressive comments. Sylvie was telling me that she didn't get why Sylvie was so upset about the situation. While I was talking to Sylvie about it, Nina came into the room. I asked the two of them if they wanted to talk about it, and they immediately started to have a conversation. I didn't even say much of anything because they were handling it so well. Sylvie could have tried a little harder to understand why Nina was upset, and Nina could have explained her point of view better, but in general they were both really mature about it. I was really proud of both of them. I think I did the right thing by not doing or saying much--by just being there in the room I think Iinfluenced the girls to have a more calm discussion.
You may have noticed that this is another long post that is mostly about Nina. I think there are two reasons I focus on her so often--first, because she seems to need the most help of all the girls at this point. She acts out, rebels, and is disrespectful to both houseparents and scholars far more often than any of our other scholars. Second, I understand and remember what she's going through. She's in a new house where she doesn't yet know the rules (so many rules), she doesn't know the people very well, and she's in a new and harder school. Being a 13-year-old is overwhelming and turbulent enough without all those changes on top of it. However, I have to remember that just because there are good reasons for her bad behavior doesn't mean I can hold her less accountable. I have to hold her to the same level of responsibility as the other scholars. The other houseparents are really good at that. I'm not as good at being firm, but I'm working on it.
--Rebecca
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